


Love, Luke

by celmmings



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Fluff, M/M, Smut, There's gonna be angst, michael and luke are best friends
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-28
Updated: 2017-02-04
Packaged: 2018-05-10 02:00:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 22,129
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5564647
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/celmmings/pseuds/celmmings
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“I would love you, and you would still be my best friend if you had just confessed to being an alien,” Luke says, making Michael giggle. The sound of it makes butterflies erupt in Luke’s chest as he kisses the top of Michael’s head and pulls him tighter against him. “I promise, Mikey.”</p><p>or, Luke and Michael have always been best friends, but things tend to get complicated</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. My Youth is Yours

**Author's Note:**

> Soooo, hello! This fic is gonna be 5 (or 6, i'm not sure yet i gotta see how long they'll be) chapters, i have them all planned already from start to finish. I'm very excited about this!!!
> 
> This fic is loosely based off Love, Rosie (the movie, i haven't read the book)! i was watching it like a week ago and i felt like it would be such a nice au so i decided to write it. The idea itself is obviously inspired by the plot of the movie, some of the scenes too, but it isn't gonna be a lot like the movie! (except for the name obviously)
> 
> Anyway i hope you like this. I would, as always, like to thank my lovely Andie for helping me out. This wouldn't have happened without her!!!
> 
> Enjoy :-)

_Age 16_

“Happy birthday,” Michael whispers over the quiet Ed Sheeran song that is softly playing in the background. “Again, for the millionth time today.” He adds with a bubbly laugh, his hot breath tickling Luke’s side of the face. Michael smells like alcohol and something fresh out of the washer, he always smells nice. It makes Luke smile as he rolls over from his back to his side so he’s facing Michael, who’s already facing Luke with a huge, face splitting grin.

“Thanks, Mikey,” Luke says. They switched their music from loud, angry rock songs to quieter songs after Ashton left grumpily, claiming Luke and Michael are too drunk and annoying for him to handle this late at night. “And thank you for tonight, I had a great time.” Luke pokes Michael’s side with a shy smile.

They spent Luke’s birthday, just the three of them together with two bottles of tequila they barely managed to convince Ashton to buy for them, in Michael’s man cave. His parents are gone for the weekend so they have the place for themselves so they could drink their whole bodyweight in tequila and blast their music as loud as they want. After a while, Ashton decided Luke and Michael were too drunk for him and he took off, wishing Luke a happy sixteenth birthday one last time before leaving and muttering something about how he has the silliest friends. Luke loves Ashton with his entire heart, but he’s kind of happy he gets some time alone with Michael.

“You know,” Luke starts, looking around the dimly lit room. All the lights are turned off except for one colorful Christmas light Michael keeps hung on the wall above the couch for decoration. It gives Michael’s brightly-dyed blue hair a shinier look. Luke wants to reach over and touch it, so he does. “This light makes your hair look great,” Luke brushes the soft hair out of Michael’s sparkly eyes before going on. “And your skin too. The lights are reflecting on it because it’s so pale. It looks so… beautiful.” Luke whispers as his fingers trail down from Michael’s messy, dorky fringe to his cheek, just holding Michael’s face and brushing the milky skin softly with his thumb.

One second Michael just lies there frozen, blinking at Luke, pink lips shaped like an ‘o’ as his beautiful green eyes follow Luke’s every move, and then he’s sliding closer on the wooden floor, his face inches away from Luke’s. They stay like that for a moment, staring into each other’s eyes as the tips of their noses brush and they’re breathing into each other’s mouths shakily. But then the moment’s over and Michael closes the space between them, pressing their lips together. It’s clumsy and messy, they’re really drunk. There’s a lot of teeth and Luke isn’t sure if he should try and get his tongue into Michael’s mouth or not, but then something clicks in his brain and he places a hand on Michael’s shoulder, pushing him back just a bit so he can look at him. He looks beautiful and confused, his lips looking even redder and more swollen and tempting than they usually do.

Luke takes a deep breath and goes for it.

“I’m bi.” Luke whispers weakly. He’s been trying to think of when and how to tell Michael, he was trying to remember the day Michael came out to him, back when they were fourteen. Michael was so small and fragile in Luke’s arms as he sniffled and begged Luke not to hate him, he was terrified and sad and it broke Luke’s heart. Luke reassured him he could never, he told him he’d still love him and he’d still be his best friend even if he confessed to being an alien. It made Michael laugh and Luke couldn’t be happier.

So Luke doesn’t know why he’s so scared of telling Michael, but he guesses the mix of alcohol and the fact that they just kissed were enough of a push for Luke to just spit it out. He figures he at least owes Michael that, if he’s going to be kissing him like that. Just so it’s fair, so he knows what he’s getting into.

“Cool,” Michael shrugs, and Luke’s eyebrows stitch together, is that all he’s going to say to him? But then Michael smirks before saying, “I would still love you, and you would still be my best friend, even if you told me you were an alien, Lukey.” Michael repeats the words Luke had said to him two mere years ago.

Luke’s smile falters as he eagerly lunges forward and presses his lips to Michael’s again. He feels dizzy and hot all over, he’s kissing _Michael_. He’s kissing his best friend in the whole world, he’s kissing the person he just came out to.

 _It’s the alcohol_ Luke thinks, reminding himself he drank about a whole tequila bottle by himself.

But it doesn’t feel like the alcohol anymore when Michael pushes Luke down by the shoulder, not breaking the kiss, as he crawls on top of him. He kisses Luke harder, deeper, Luke can feel and smell Michael everywhere. He feels the way Michael licks at his bottom lip gently, waiting for Luke to open his mouth just enough so he can slip his tongue inside and slide them together. It makes Luke moan. He can feel the way one of Michael’s hands finds its way into Luke’s hair, tugging on it gently enough so it doesn’t hurt, but hard enough so it makes Luke want to groan and ask him to maybe do it harder.

Luke doesn’t have any rational explanation to what they’re doing, or at least not what Michael’s doing, which is playing along. Luke figured out he was bi when he opened his eyes and realized he might have been slightly attracted to his own best friend. It started with small things; Luke would catch himself staring at Michael’s lips a lot and wondering what it’d be like to kiss him, he’d catch himself wanting to touch Michael’s hair or skin, just because. He’d catch himself moaning Michael’s name into the darkness of his room late at night while he was tugging himself off.

Luke wasn’t planning on telling Michael about his little crush. He was planning on coming out to him, then hopefully finding a nice guy or girl to date so he could forget all about his silly crush. He can’t like Michael, he can’t ruin the best relationship in his life. So he tried to ignore it, and he was doing pretty alright until he drank enough alcohol to cloud his judgment enough to start making out with Michael on the goddamn floor on his goddamn birthday.

Luke has no idea why Michael’s going along with this, maybe he just hasn’t kissed anyone in a while and he misses it, Luke’s drunken mind vaguely recalls Michael talking to him about that sometime last week. It’s just that, it has to be that. Michael doesn’t like him back. Maybe this is a pity make out session, he just feels bad for Luke so he’s doing this to spare his feelings.

Luke is just about to stop and ask Michael what exactly is going on, when Michael makes a slow, brief rocking motion against Luke’s body and Luke loses himself completely. His semi erection brushes just right against Michael’s and they both moan, their lips stop moving against each other but they’re still touching so Luke _feels_ it inside when Michael swears against his lips and he thinks it’s the best thing he’s ever felt except for Michael’s clothed dick against his own.

“Oh my God,” Luke chokes out, nails digging into Michael’s shoulders, bringing him closer so their foreheads are pressed together. “Do that again, _please_.” his voice sounds more like a pathetic, small squeak but Michael doesn’t seem to care as he nods, latching his lips onto Luke’s neck and grinding down against him again. Luke sees stars. Their bodies fit together perfectly as Michael keeps rutting against Luke and his hips rise from the floor to meet him halfway, causing more of the friction Luke craves so badly.

“Do you want- I need-“ Michael stutters, his hips are still moving quickly against Luke’s and Luke’s glad he isn’t the only one having trouble speaking.

“More?” Luke guesses and Michael nods and looks into Luke’s wide eyes. This whole thing is unbelievable and Luke can’t believe Michael is actually going through with this. Luke knows he’s drunk out of his mind, but right then in that moment, when he’s pressed so close to Michael, he doesn’t feel drunk anymore. He’s never felt more sober in his life.

“What do you want?” Michael asks quietly, looking down at Luke sheepishly. They’re both embarrassed. Luke knows Michael has more experience than he does, he told Luke about all his _experiments_ with random guys he met at school or through mutual friends that he’d _do things_ with, but Luke’s never been with a guy before. He only ever slept with one girl, and it was a couple of months prior and is nothing like being with a guy. Luke feels lost.

“I don’t know,” Luke admits. “I’ve never…” his face burns. He never feels embarrassed with Michael and all of the sudden he’s blushing and shying away from him. Luke swears that if he didn’t have enough alcohol in his system right now he’d be running away and avoiding Michael for the rest of his life. He’s certain Michael is going to regret this tomorrow and it terrifies him, but then Michael clears his throat and chuckles.

“I know,” Michael smiles at him reassuringly, leaning down and pressing a sweet kiss to the tip of Luke’s nose. It makes him feel better. “I just want to know what you want to do. If you want to do anything at all, we honestly don’t have to and if you-“ Luke doesn’t let him finish. He cranes his neck so he can kiss Michael, swallowing down his ramble.

“I want everything.” Luke says. He doesn’t know where he gets the courage, but he knows he wants it. He wants his first time being with a guy to be with Michael, the guy he likes and the guy he trusts more than anyone else in the world. “I trust you, Mikey.” He adds quietly. Michael looks speechless and shocked for a moment, but then something shifts in his eyes and they go dark and wide, and then he’s pressing his lips to Luke’s hungrily.

“Gonna make it so good for you,” Michael says between kisses. He pushes up from Luke just enough so he can unbutton his shirt with one hand, but not enough to break the kiss. Luke’s glad because he doesn’t want to not be kissing Michael now. Or ever.

Michael has to tear his lips away from Luke’s so he can help Luke gets his shirt off completely, and then Luke’s helping him take his own shirt off. When it gets caught around Michael’s armpits they both laugh and giggle, and when it’s finally all the way off and left scattered and forgotten on the floor, Michael’s kissing Luke again, both of them laughing into each other’s mouths. Luke’s never felt this way with anyone.

Michael takes it slow. Luke notices how gentle he’s being with him, it doesn’t surprise him, he knows he can trust Michael to go easy, but it’s so different than the Michael Luke usually knows. Michael’s loud and energetic, enthusiastic and maybe a bit rough at times, but not now. He takes his time to kiss every inch of Luke’s face, neck, chest, tummy and thighs. He keeps pausing so he can tell Luke he’s beautiful. He even takes his time with undressing Luke and making sure he’s doing okay.

Michael leaves Luke so he can go look for lube, it takes him a minute but he finally finds a small bottle thrown in one of his drawers and Luke doesn’t ask why he keeps it in his man cave, he’s just grateful it’s there. Michael comes back with shaky hands and a nervous smile.

“Promise me you’ll stop me if it doesn’t feel good,” he looks into Luke’s eyes when he says that. Luke nods.

Michael’s extra gentle when he pushes a slicked finger into Luke, slowly working it in. It’s a foreign feeling, not unpleasant but not completely pleasurable either, but Luke tells Michael to keep going. When Michael starts working his finger in and out of Luke, taking it slow and careful, Luke starts to feel the fun of it. It still feels strange, he’s not used to this, but it’s starting to feel good.

By the time Michael has three fingers in him, Luke’s squirming and moaning, he’s sweating and if the alcohol wasn’t enough to make him feel drunk, he sure does feel drunk now with Michael’s huge, green eyes staring down at him with a pleased smile, whispering words of encouragement into Luke’s ear until Luke feels like he’s going to explode.

Michael kisses Luke again when he slips his fingers out of him and rolls a condom onto himself and makes sure to coat himself with enough lube. He takes it nice and slow again when he leans his weight on his arms next to Luke’s head and asking Luke if he’s sure one last time. When Luke says yes Michael kisses him again and Luke guesses he’s trying to distract him.

Michael slips into him, he does it slowly, trying to minimize the pain for Luke. It isn’t painful, but not painless either, it’s there but Luke doesn’t care, he needs this right now, he needs to _feel_ Michael, really feel him. So Luke cups Michael’s face and makes him look into his eyes when he whispers, “I’m not going to break, Mikey.”

Luke sees stars when Michael pushes into him completely and just stays there for a minute, giving them both a second to catch their breaths.

When Luke feels ready he nudges Michael’s shoulder and Michael just knows. He starts moving, rocking in and out of Luke in a slow and steady pace. Luke digs his ankles into the small of Michael’s back and tells Michael to go faster, harder, he needs it. Michael doesn’t argue. He goes faster, pushing his face into Luke’s neck and biting down on Luke’s soft skin. He quickens his pace and every thrust he gives makes Luke’s vision blur at the edges as he moans and his back arches. All he sees, feels and smells is _Michael_. He pulls on his hair and moans loudly, encouraging Michael to keep going, he’s so close, he knew he wasn’t going to last too long since they started.

Michael gives a few extra thrusts and Luke’s done for. He’s scratching at Michael’s fragile skin and screams as he comes, Michael only a few short seconds after him, both of them shuddering and panting in each other’s arms.

Luke vaguely remembers Michael helping him clean up and dress up before he wraps Luke up in his arms and kisses the top of his head one last time before they fall asleep. Luke’s never been this exhaust, yet content in his whole life. Luke’s never felt this good, not just physically, with anyone. He falls asleep with a big smile on his face.

***

_Age 10_

“There are so many bad words in this song,” Luke giggles in a whisper, he and Michael are hiding in the blanket fort in Luke’s room and listening to Green Day’s _American Idiot_. Their parents don’t like them listening to songs with bad words in them, but Michael always finds a way to sneak them into his brand new iPod and bringing it over to Luke’s house so they can listen to them together.

“They’re awesome!” Michael exclaims excitedly, shifting closer to Luke. They’re sharing earphones, lying down on their backs and staring up at Luke’s Spiderman sheets. They always use his Spiderman sheets because Luke knows Michael likes the colors.

There’s a knock on the door and Luke jumps, startled. He looks at Michael with wide eyes, they’re caught.

“Luke!” Luke’s mother rips the duvet off the top of their fort so she can look down at the two frightened kids. “This is _your_ birthday party, all of your friends are here! You can’t just hide in here with Michael! It’s rude.” She huffs, her eyes boring into Luke. He looks at Michael for help.

“I’m sorry, Liz,” Michael says, looking up at Luke’s mother. “It’s my fault, we’re coming to the living room now.” He promises, lifting both of his hands up in surrender and Luke sees his mother’s eyes go softer, she looks less angry. Michael has that effect.

“Fine,” she sighs, giving them one last stern look. “Hurry up.” She warns, then leaves.

Michael looks at Luke, both of them quiet for a second. When they hear the door close and they know Luke’s mother isn’t there anymore, they burst into laughter.

“You know,” Michael says as he unplugs his earphones from his iPod and folds them before he tucks them back into his pocket safely. “You’re my best friend ever.”

Luke smiles and nods. “You’re my best friend ever, too, Mikey.”

***

Age 14

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Luke asks when Michael, who still looks out of breath and completely disoriented, flops down on his bed. He looks flushed and breathless like he just ran a marathon, but there’s also something Luke’s learned to detect as worry in Michael’s eyes and it makes him uneasy. He sits down next to Michael on the bed, just about to ask him what’s going on when Michael collapses against him. He wraps his arms around Luke’s middle and pushes his face into his shoulder as he shivers.

“I need to tell you something,” Michael hiccups hysterically. Luke’s heart thumps fast in his chest, he hates when Michael’s upset, and when he cries. “But you have to promise you won’t hate me. You can’t hate me.” Michael cries hysterically and Luke’s heart breaks, it physically hurts his chest to see him like that, to hear him say these things. How could he ever hate him?

“I could never hate you, Mikey,” he coos, stroking Michael’s hair the way he knows Michael likes while wrapping his other arm around Michael’s shoulders, pulling him closer and tighter against him. “You’re my best friend.” He reminds him. Michael nods and takes a deep breath.

“I think,” he starts hesitantly, voice quiet. “That I like guys.” Michael admits, his face going pinker than earlier. “I mean, I think I like guys _and_ girls. I _know_ I like girls, but I think I like guys too.” Michael mumbles and avoids Luke’s eyes and Luke’s eyebrows stitch together, how could he ever hate Michael over something like this?

“Mikey,” Luke says, pulling Michael away so he can look into his eyes. “It’s okay, I don’t care. You can like whatever you want, I still love you,” Luke tries to smile but Michael’s face is stained with tears and Luke feels a pang in his chest, he tries to swallow the lump in his throat. He can’t cry, he needs to hold it together for Michael. Michael needs him.

“Really?” Michael’s eyes are wide. Luke nods honestly.

“I would love you, and you would still be my best friend if you had just confessed to being an alien,” Luke says, making Michael giggle. The sound of it makes butterflies erupt in Luke’s chest as he kisses the top of Michael’s head and pulls him tighter against him. “I promise, Mikey.”

***

_Age 16_

Luke wakes up with a weird feeling in his chest and a throbbing pain in his temple. He’s hungover, last night is a total blur, he only remembers small bits and pieces. He can’t even remember his own sixteenth birthday, what a mess.

He wills his eyes to pry open and the soft light pouring from the windows hurts his eyes, they sting and he has to rub them with his balled fists for a couple of seconds until he can fully open them. There’s a strong scent of alcohol and sweat and he doesn’t know if it’s him or the room he’s in, possibly both.

Last night remains a blur until he feels something warm and stiff next to him, and it all comes back at once and it feels like someone slapped him across the head and pushed all the memories right back into Luke’s head. He sees flashbacks, he smells everything and feels everything all at once and it nearly sends him toppling back down to the floor. Luke remembers coming out to Michael, kissing, talking, making out, the sex. As if on cue, his ass starts to hurt and it’s all just too much, Luke feels like he’s suffocating. He needs to get out.

He looks down at Michael, still peacefully sleeping, clinging onto the side of couch Luke was just occupying like he can feel that Luke’s gone. It makes Luke’s heart flutter, but he can’t stay.

Luke finds his shoes and pulls them on quickly before taking Michael’s phone from the counter, making sure it’s on silent mode before he fishes his own phones out of his pocket and punches a quick text to Michael. He leaves Michael’s phone on the coffee table next to the couch and rushes out.

**[12:19 PM] To: Mikey**

I’m really hungover, I ran home before I got sick all over your floor. Come over when you wake up?

***

Luke’s door flings open at around four in the afternoon. Michael stumbles inside, hood up and covering his blue hair and he has a pair of sunglasses on, probably to shield his eyes from any source of light. Luke gets that, the first thing he did when he came home was drape his curtains and curl into a ball under his sheets to hide from any source of light or noise.

“I feel like shit.” Michael announces as he drops his sunglasses and falls onto Luke’s bed, his shoulder knocking into Luke’s. The movement sends a jolt of pain up to Luke’s throbbing skull and he grunts.

“Me too,” Luke rolls to his side, resting his head on Michael’s shoulder. Michael smells nice and fresh, like he just got out of the shower. He notices the damp stain on Michael’s hoodie and realizes Michael probably did just get out of the shower. His hair has a familiar apple scent to it and Luke can’t help but smile at the familiarity and comfort in that.

“What’re you smiling at?” Michael frowns at him. Luke giggles.

“Nothing,” he shrugs, scooting closer to Michael on the bed. “Your hair smells like your apple shampoo. I love that smell.” Luke admits and Michael stills next to him, his body tense. Luke remembers last night again, they haven’t talked about it. Luke doesn’t even know if Michael remembers what happen, he nearly forgot. He’s glad he didn’t.

“So,” Michael says, bringing his arm up to cover his eyes. Luke swallows thickly, this doesn’t sound good. “About last night, I-“ Luke panics. He doesn’t let Michael finish before he cuts him off.

“God, I don’t remember anything,” he laughs and prays it sounds convincing. Luke is the worst liar, especially when it’s Michael he’s lying to. Luke is transparent, Michael reads him like an open book and all Luke can do is hope he can make something up and make it believable. “One second Ashton’s there with tequila, the other I’m holding it from vomiting all over your pretty man cave. It was brutal.”

“Oh,” Michael says, squinting at Luke after removing his hand from his face. “You don’t remember anything?” Michael raises an eyebrow. Luke swallows again and shakes his head, forces his eyes to focus on an interesting spot on the ceiling so he doesn’t have to look at Michael.

“Wait,” Luke says. He doesn’t want to take back what he said, coming out. He can feel Michael looking at him. “Do you, uh, remember what I told you last night?” he asks quietly.

“I do,” Michael says. Luke nods. “That’s all I remember though.” He adds and Luke feels a pang in his chest, he’s glad he won’t have to hear Michael tell him how he’s his best friend, but the fact that they slept together is a mistake, but he wishes it wasn’t that way. He doesn’t regret it.

“Oh,” Luke says. “Are you still okay with it?”

“Of course I am,” Michael rolls his eyes, punching Luke’s shoulder gently and sitting up, looking around Luke’s room. “So, how about a round of FIFA to make us both feel better?”

 


	2. I Want to Be the One You Remember

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! This chapter was harder to write than I initially thought and I feel like it might be kind of a lot down, but I swear there's a lot to look forward to, don't give up on me yet!! I just needed a chapter between the beginning and all the ~drama in the middle, just a bridge, sort of? I don't know, I just promise there are better chapters to come lmao!!
> 
> Enjoy!! :-)

_Age 17 (Sydney)_

All Luke can think about is Michael as he barely manages to hold the steering wheel with shaky hands. He tries to focus on the road ahead of him but his mind is racing. He’s breathing heavily, like he just ran a marathon even though he’s been sitting in his car for about fifteen minutes. He’s almost there. It’s pouring rain, which makes it even harder for Luke to drive. The drops are heavy and they thump loudly against Luke’s car as he speeds just a bit more. Good Charlotte’s CD is playing on full volume on his radio and he hums along, it makes the rain sound further and quieter.

Luke feels relived when he pulls into Michael’s driveway in one piece, jumping out of his car quickly and locking it before letting himself into Michael’s house without knocking. Luke knows Michael’s parents are at work and Michael’s expecting him.

“Mikey?” Luke calls out as he kicks his wet shoes off by the door so he doesn’t stain the whole house with mud.

“Up here!” Michael’s voice is muffled and distant but Luke’s already making his way upstairs, careful not to clumsily trip over his own feet as he rushes up. Michael’s house smells familiar and Luke suddenly feels very upset and overwhelmed. The feeling doesn’t last long, though, because he enters Michael’s room and he’s sitting upright on his bed, crossed legged and expectantly grinning up at Luke.

“Hey,” Luke lets out a shaky breath he hadn’t noticed he’d been holding.

“ _So_?” Michael urges, patting the empty space next to him on the bed. Luke doesn’t even hesitate as he makes his way and flops down on it with a content sigh. “How did it go?” Michael presses when Luke doesn’t give any information.

“You’re not going to believe me.” Luke shakes his head, chuckling. Michael pushes at his shoulder gently, making a stern face at him. Luke tries not to laugh.

“Tell me!”

“They signed me, Mikey,” Luke bites his lip ring, twisting it around with his teeth. He’s still not quite used to it being there. “They got really excited, they said I was talented and I had a real chance. They’re sending me to Los Angeles to work on an album and record it.” Luke says and Michael’s face immediately falls, Luke feels sick, he knew it was coming. He just wasn’t sure how he’d tell him so he just slipped it in.

“Los Angeles?” Michael’s eyes are wide and Luke doesn’t feel so happy or excited anymore. He’s moving to the other side of the world, he’s leaving his best friend behind. “What about school? I thought your mom wanted you to graduate? And you can’t go to Los Angeles all alone! You’re a kid, you’re seventeen. You need someone you-“ Luke cuts him off by crashing into him, arms wrapping around Michael’s middle tightly.

“Mom’s coming with me, she’s going to help me graduate from home while I work on that album,” Luke explains, voice muffled by Michael’s clothed shoulder that his face is pressed up against. “I’m going to miss you so much.” Luke tries to swallow down his sob but it comes out small and weak and Michael’s arms immediately go around him, hugging Luke back.

“You’re leaving,” Michael whispers quietly into Luke’s hair. Luke nods. “We should be happy. You got signed, that’s so amazing. You’re going to do so amazing, Luke and-“

“I wish you could come with me.” Luke says softly as he cries, his tears roll down his cheeks and onto Michael’s shirt, making little wet stains all over the area. He doesn’t seem to notice or care as he tightens his hold of Luke.

“We’re going to talk every single day. Fuck time zones,” it’s so typical of Michael to try and make Luke feel better when he knows he’s hurting. It’s so Michael to be selfless and prioritize Luke. “We’re going to Skype and text, you’re going to record your album and we’ll visit each other all the time. I’ve never left Sydney, it’d actually be so cool.” He rambles and Luke is so grateful to have him.

Luke’s chest aches at the thought of not seeing Michael every day, not being able to hug him or play FIFA with him. He isn’t going to see Michael’s room all the time anymore, Michael isn’t going to drop by for a visit whenever he feels like it. They’re not going to be sharing a bed anymore on weekends, they aren’t going to school together anymore. Luke is packing his things and moving to a whole different continent and Michael is staying behind.

“You’re my best friend.” Luke says and Michael’s body stiffens against him.

“Do you wanna know something?” Michael asks quietly. Luke nods. “You’ll always be my best friend. Even if you told me you were an alien, I’d still love you with everything I have, Luke.” Michael says and Luke whimpers pathetically, another tear slipping past his closed eyelids.

“Me too,” Luke’s voice betrays him as he shudders in Michael’s arms. Michael just hugs him tighter and Luke inhales his scent deeply, making sure he has something to hold on to when he can’t hug Michael anymore.

***

_Age 17 (Los Angeles)_

_Hi, Mikey, I’ve decided to start a new tradition,_ Luke writes down, the black ink stands out against the white page.

_It’s my first day in Los Angeles and I found this really cool postcard I thought you’d like. So I decided that every time I visit a new place I will send you a postcard from it, so we’ll feel like you’re here with me. I already miss you. We’re probably going to talk before this arrives, but I still thought you should know._

_(Ps. Los Angeles is cool. You’d like it here.)_

_Love, Luke._

***

_Hey Mikey, we’re going to talk before this gets to you, but I thought I’d still write it down. I’m still in LA, so this postcard is just a different view of the city, but I felt like writing you a letter, I’m really into writing these days. It must be all the time I spend in the studio._

_I met my first friend that isn’t a part of the crew and has to like me or my mom! His name is Calum, he complimented my voice and we started talking at the studio, I think you’d like him, he’s such a nice guy. He’s from New Zealand, so close to home!_

_We’re going to hang out and he’s going to show me around the city this week, he said I needed a proper introduction of it without my mom, so I thought me and him could Skype you together so you could “meet”._

_I miss you so much, Mikey._

_Love, Luke._

***

_Age 17 (Los Angeles)_

“Cal?” Luke calls as he closes and locks the wooden door behind himself and kicks off his shoes while checking his phone. He’s been texting Michael all day, and now it’s 10PM in Los Angeles, which makes it 5PM in Sydney, so Luke promised Michael they would Skype when Luke gets home from the studio, he has big, exciting news for him. The apartment smells like pizza and Calum’s cologne and strangely enough, the scent is familiar and makes Luke feel some sort of comfort. He’s finally starting to feel at home in this place.

“In here!” Calum shouts back over the loud Blink song that’s playing loudly from his room. Luke smiles and shoves his phone into his back pocket as he makes his way to Calum’s room and walks in without knocking. Calum’s lying on his bed, scrolling through his phone while he moves his leg with the music, quietly humming the lyrics under his breath.

“I have great news.” Luke announces as he crawls into bed with Calum, resting his head on Calum’s shoulder and nuzzling up against him like he’d always do with Michael. He really misses him.

“What’s up?” Calum looks down at him, putting his phone down and petting Luke’s hair fondly.

“Wait,” Luke lifts his hips up from the mattress enough so he can access his back pocket and retrieve his phone. “I want Michael to hear too.” he says as he opens the Skype app and presses Michael’s name. Calum and Michael haven’t met in person yet, but since Calum and Luke became friends he was there for so many Skype calls between them that the two became friends too.

Luke was so grateful when he met Calum. For the first two months in Los Angeles, Luke was lonely and miserable. He had his mom, she was amazing and supportive but Luke missed Michael and Ashton, and the rest of his family and he just wanted to go home. He started working on his album, he spent most of his days in the studio, writing and recording, letting his sadness and frustrations out on his guitar until one day he met Calum at the studio. Calum’s also into music, he’s an incredible song writer. He plays the bass and sings, but he mostly focuses on writing songs. Calum approached Luke when he heard him sing and complimented him and they instantly clicked.

Three months later, they moved in together. Luke convinced his mom it’s time for him to be more independent and Calum had promised her he’d take care of him, so she agreed and the two moved into an apartment together and Luke couldn’t be happier. Luke and Calum had been living together for almost three months now and Luke loves every second of it. The only thing he wishes he could have now is Michael.

“Hey guys!” Michael grins happily. The image isn’t great, it’s a bit choppy and it cuts off from time to time, but Luke gets to see Michael’s face so he can’t really complain. Michael moves his phone a bit to the right and Ashton’s smiling face appears.

“Hey!” he calls cheerfully. Luke misses them so much, he misses hanging out with them and fooling around, he misses purposelessly lying around in Michael’s man cave or Ashton’s basement, listening to their favorite bands on full volume. He misses lazy afternoons with them at the beach, he misses Ashton yelling at them for making him a third wheel and claiming their friendship isn’t fair to him. Luke misses his best friends.

“Ash!” Luke’s grin grows so wide it almost hurts. “I’m so glad you’re here too,” He says honestly. He notices the way Calum fidgets in his seat, smoothing down his hair and shirt. Calum would never admit it, but Luke knows he developed some sort of an adorable crush on Ashton even though he’d only spoken to him over Skype about five times.

“Hi, Calum,” Ashton giggles and Calum’s face goes red. Luke chuckles and moves the camera so Calum’s face is visible. He waves awkwardly and Luke feels bad for how flustered he gets whenever he talks to Ashton.

“What’s up, Ash?” his voice is small and so unlike him. Luke thinks sheepish Calum is adorable he almost wants to reach over and pinch those rosy cheeks of his.

“Okay, so,” Luke spares Calum from any more embarrassment and awkwardness and spins the camera back to his own tired face as he speaks. “I have some awesome news, for all of you.” he pauses and surveys his friends’ faces, Michael nods on his screen.

“Well, hurry up and tell us already.” Calum pokes Luke’s side and he yelps, his phone nearly slipping from his grip when he jumps. He hits Calum’s shoulder and gives him a warning look while Michael and Ashton crack up on the other end of the call. Luke glares at the screen but they ignore him. He was never really intimidating, especially not when he’s literally all the way across the world from them.

“We wrapped up the album today! I’m done recording and Feldy said he only wants to go through it one last time to make sure everything’s in order,” Luke says excitedly. “He said we’ll be ready to release it really soon and there’s a real hype around it.” Luke tells his friends with an excited smile and Michael gasps.

“That’s so amazing, Lukey!” he cries happily and Calum wraps his arms around Luke’s middle and hugs him tightly, knocking the breath out of his lungs, but he doesn’t care. He’s so happy and he’s, sort of, surrounded by his favorite people.

“I have some more news, actually,” Luke says after returning Calum’s hug. Everyone stays quiet, waiting for him to continue, so he does. “I’m going on tour with another band Feldy’s working with. They were looking for an opening act and he gave them some of my old, embarrassing covers and a couple of the songs off the album and he said they were really impressed, so they want me. It’s going to help the album gain some more attention and I’ll get to perform almost every night!”

“Oh my God, Luke!” Ashton shouts as Calum’s jaw drops by his side and he shoots up to his feet on the bouncy mattress, eyes wide. Luke laughs happily.

“You’re going on tour!” Calum screams and jumps up and down on the mattress, making Luke bounce along.

“I’m so proud of you,” Michael’s voice is so low and serious, almost a whisper. Luke sees it in his eyes even through the terrible image and he feels it in his own chest, this tour is going to make it even harder for them to communicate. But then Michael still smiles, widely.

“My best friend is going on a world tour. Who would’ve thought?”

***

_Hey, Mikey! I hope this small package arrives fast, I sent you one of the three copies Feldy gave me of my album. It only comes out next week, but he said I was allowed to send a copy to my family and one to you. He said he can’t wait to meet you some day!_

_I really hope you’ll like this album, I think you’d be proud of me. A lot of songs there were inspired by things we did together, I hope you’ll catch some of them._

_I miss you so much, we’re leaving for our first concert a day after the album releases, I’m so excited!!_

_I miss you so much, I can’t wait until I get to visit and hug you already._

_Love, Luke._

***

Luke’s album becomes a bigger success than he could have ever imagined. Luke reads every review he can find and they’re mostly positive ones, supporting his lyrics, voice, melody, saying he’s the next big thing.

Peroforming on a different stage, in a different city every night is incredible. Calum goes on tour with Luke and the band after his mother freaked out about the thought of him being alone on tour and nagged Feldy until he came up with the idea of bringing Calum along to keep an eye on Luke. Not that he needs it, but he sure did appreciate the fact that his closest friend can come with him. Luke gets to tour all of the U.S, Canada and big parts of Europe with his best friend and an amazing band before he has to head back to Los Angeles to meet Feldy who called him and said he has some big news for Luke.

While on tour, Luke sends Michael a postcard from every new state and country he gets to visit, even though they talk almost every day, despite how hard it is to manage with the different time zones and Luke’s crazy schedule.

Other than performing on stage, Luke discovers that being a successful musician is more than just performing. Luke gets interviewed more times than he can count, he gets asked about his childhood, his family, his sexuality, if he has a boyfriend or a girlfriend and what it’s like to live with your best friend. The question Luke gets ask the most, though, is who he wrote the love song which is the album’s biggest hit; _Vapor_ about.

Luke wants to admit it, he wants to tell them all he wrote it about his best friend back in Sydney, the first and only person he had ever been with, the person he can’t get out of his head and wishes he had so badly, but he never does, he just lies and says that it’s about an old boyfriend he’d left back in Sydney.

Luke has a feeling Calum knows he’s lying, but he doesn’t question him. Luke thinks he must be waiting for the right moment because it’s unlike Calum to just drop the subject.

The postcards Luke sends to Michael become a tradition of theirs, the first thing Luke does when they land in a new place is go to the nearest gift shop and pick up the nicest looking postcard. He writes about the flight, how excited he is to go on stage and how much he misses Michael before he signs it with _Love, Luke_ and sends it to Sydney.

Luke loves being on tour, but there’s something oddly comforting in going back to Los Angeles and taking a short break from flying around, barely sleeping or eating and having no free time whatsoever. Sydney will always be Luke’s real home, or at least, where Michael is will always be Luke’s real home, but Los Angeles feels familiar and his apartment’s smell makes him feel oddly comfortable. Maybe it’s the apple shampoo he bought before going on tour.

It reminds him of Michael. It reminds him of home.

***

**Michael**

_Age 17 (Sydney)_

“So, I heard Luke’s back in Los Angeles,” Ashton says as he walks into Michael’s room, dropping down on his bed. Michael sighs deeply, turning the volume of his music down and rolling over to his side so he can look at Ashton. He cut his hair recently and Michael thinks it looks really nice. He secretly thinks he cut it because Calum had mentioned how ‘awesome your curls would look if you cut them a bit!’ but Ashton gets violent when Michael brings him up, so he doesn’t.

“Yeah,” Michael rolls his eyes, throwing the magazine he’d been staring at for the past hour at Ashton who barely manages to catch it before it hits his face. He sends Michael a stern look that goes softer when he reads the article that gets Michael so upset.

“Luke Hemmings, the new world sensation just can’t get enough!” Ashton reads aloud with a mockingly deep tone, like a radio show host or something. “Another mysteriously beautiful young man was spotted leaving the glamorous apartment he shares with best friend and colleague, Calum Hood, at first light. In the past month, over six different young man and women were photographed leaving his apartment at odd hours. Is our new star getting lonely in the big city?” Ashton finishes, throwing the magazine down on the bed before he looks at Michael.

“Has he told you anything about this?” Ashton asks softly and Michael feels like vomiting.

Michael has been madly in love with his best friend for the past, give or take, four years or so. He’d always pretend he wasn’t, he was just his best friend and there was no way anything was going to happen between them.

When Luke came out to Michael on his birthday, Michael thought he was dreaming. They were both drunk and Michael thought he was joking, but the next thing he knew they were kissing and then it was more than kissing. They slept together. Michael had never felt that way about anyone, not any of the guys or girls he’d been with before. He never had sex, but he tried things. None of which felt as amazing as what he had with Luke.

Michael thought things were looking up, maybe Luke did want him. But then Michael found out Luke didn’t remember anything, the alcohol took the night they shared together away and Michael’s heart broke.

Before he had a chance to do anything, Luke had to leave. And now Luke’s having the time of his life, his album is successful; he’s doing music like he had always dreamed of and he sees a different boy or girl every night. Michael’s chest aches at the thought of Luke with anyone else that isn’t him.

“Mike?” Ashton taps Michael’s shoulder gently so Michael looks at him. “Are you alright?” he moves closer to Michael and he shakes his head.

“I missed my chance,” Michael runs a hand across his face, trying to get rid of any tears threatening to slip past his closed eyelids. “I had him, he was right there, it was amazing. I had my chance and I let him slip away and leave without saying anything, and now he’s out there, with all these models and amazing people I would never compare to. I should be thankful he still wants me as a friend.”

“Don’t say that,” Ashton’s voice is stern and paternal, he always takes care of Michael. He was there to pick up the pieces he was left in when Luke left. Michael didn’t want Luke to know just how broken he was when he had to go and Ashton was an amazing friend who glued Michael back together, but now he’s falling apart all over again and it isn’t fair to Ashton. Michael feels bad. “I don’t know what’s going on in Luke’s head and why he’s supposedly slept with all these people, but what I do know is that you’re his best friend in the whole world and he loves you. Your relationship, this weird and freaky connection you guys have that I just can’t understand is amazing, he loves you and you love him. Don’t ever doubt that.” Ashton strokes Michael’s head as Michael quietly hiccups.

“I miss him,” Michael whispers. “I miss him. I want to hug him and touch him and be able to have him around, I want to listen to music with him and have him close. This is so fucked up, Ash.” He sighs and Ashton nods.

“I’ll tell you what,” he says, getting up and off Michael’s bed. “We’re going out tonight. Go take a shower and change into something other than your pajamas. I’m picking you up in an hour, you better be ready, Clifford!” Ashton points a threatening finger at him. He doesn’t dare to object as he peels himself off the bed and gets into the shower, where he thinks about nothing but Luke and how much he wishes he was here.

***

**Michael**

_Age 18 (Sydney)_

_Hey Lukey, I know this is your thing but for some reason I thought this would be a nice way to tell you my good news, so I stole your idea. By the way, I hope you’ll like this postcard and that it would remind you of home._

_Anyway, you know I’m not so great at writing, not like you, so I’ll just get to the point. I wanted to tell you about this guy I’m seeing, Ashton introduced me to him two months ago and I guess I took my time with telling you because I wanted to see where this was going before I made it into something it wasn’t._

_He’s great, Luke. He makes me really happy. His name is Jackson and he lives just a couple of blocks away, we hang out every night and he makes me smile and laugh like only you could. I really miss you, by the way._

_I’m also sending you a very embarrassing picture my mom took of me at our graduation ceremony last week, I think it would make you laugh, I look like the biggest fucking goofball (that would be you)._

_I hope you can visit sometime soon, Ash and I really miss you and I want you to meet Jackson._

_Give Calum a hug from me (and a kiss from Ashton)_

_Love, Michael (I stole your signature)_


	3. Settle Down With Me and I'll Be Your Safety

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, i believe i owe you some explanations. this fic hasn't been updated in about 3 months because i've had a lot going on, if you know me from tumblr you know i'm joining the army this week and it's just been a very stressful couple of months bc of it and some other personal matters. i promised i wasn't gonna abandon this fic though bc i really love it and i really want to finish it, so i'm gonna keep writing it i just need you guys to be patient with me bc i'm barely going to be at home for the next 2 months. i'm gonna try my best when i am home, but i can't promise anything rn except that i will finish this fic when i have time.
> 
> this chapter is 5k words and i really hope you enjoy it. thank you guys for understanding and i'm sorry again!!

_Age 17 (Los Angeles)_

Luke plays with his cereal with his spoon, drowning the small, soggy flakes in the milk while staring down at the letter he received from Michael when he woke up less than an hour ago.

“Hey,” Calum’s raspy murmur startles Luke as he walks past him and touches his shoulder briefly before making his way to the coffee machine that shakes into life when he presses the on button. Luke remains silent, staring down at the piece of paper that makes him feel sick.

“You really have to start keeping your little… _dates_ quiet, you know,” Calum says matter-of-factly as he rubs at his tired eyes and yawns, probably to make his point clearer; Luke and his one night stands are loud and they’re making it hard for Calum to sleep. Luke’s fists curl into balls by his sides as Calum continues while turning his back to Luke so he can pour some milk into his coffee. “It’s none of my business, but just try to keep it down because-“ Luke doesn’t let him finish, his fist slamming on the table roughly, his bawl nearly toppling over with the force of it as Calum’s eyes widen in shock.

“You’re right, it’s none of your business,” Luke’s voice is flat and cold, and that sounds so unlike him that it tingles at the back of his head, but he can’t stop yet, he’s too pissed and he has to let it out. “Why are you even bringing it up, Calum?” he raises his voice a bit. But the second he sees the surprised look on Calum’s face, he instantly feels bad. He has no idea where it comes from but he loses control of himself. His eyes drop to look at his own hands as his fingers slip open and they’re no longer curled into scary-looking fist. Luke would never hurt anyone, especially not Calum.

“What’s going on with you?” Calum places his mug down on the table, taking a seat in front of Luke, clearly not impressed by Luke’s little show. Luke feels relived. “This isn’t you, Luke. Did something happen? Did the guy from last night hurt you?” he asks softly, worried eyes boring into Luke’s face as he tries to read him.

“No, no! Nothing like that, I swear,” Luke says quickly, meeting Calum’s concerned eyes and trying to reassure him. “I promise, it isn’t the guy from last night. Nothing happened.” He shrugs, slouching back in his seat, his eyes slowly shifting back to glare at the stupid, white piece of paper with the familiarly messy, black handwriting on it. Luke feels like he might be sick.

Calum isn’t stupid, of course he isn’t. He follows Luke’s eyes and they land on the piece of paper. He reaches over and snatches it up before Luke gets a chance to say or do anything to protest. Why should he? It’s not like Calum wasn’t going to find out sooner or later anyway.

Calum’s big, brown eyes scan the letter quickly and Luke’s breathing quickens. He hasn’t told Calum anything yet, but he thinks it’s about time. It’s about time Luke would finally admit to someone out loud that he’s _in love_ with his best friend of God knows how many years, that he came out to said-best-friend on his sixteenth birthday and they shared the most intimate, most amazing experience. And then, Luke panicked because he thought Michael was going to reject him- so he pretended that he couldn’t remember anything because of the alcohol. It’s about time Luke admits that he’s never stopped replaying that night in his head, that he’s been sleeping with so many strangers because he’s looking for someone to fill that hole in his heart, that empty space he’d been reserving for Michael for so long. It’s about time Luke admits out loud that Michael is someone else’s now and Luke’s lost his chance. It’s about time Luke admits that he needs to move on, but he doesn’t know how. He doesn’t want to.

Calum finishes reading the letter and places it back down on the table with a sigh. He gets up quietly and Luke thinks he might leave, maybe he figured Luke’s story out and he’s upset with him now. But Calum doesn’t leave. He makes his way back to the coffee machine, pressing the button that makes it jolt into life noisily once more, before looking back at Luke with a sad look.

“I’ll make you a fresh one of these while you start telling me the story from the beginning,” he speaks softly, a small smile playing on his lips. “Deal?”

***

“I can’t believe it took you this long to tell me,” Calum says quietly, fingers still curled around his empty mug. “I can’t believe you even managed to keep this from me, you’re such a talker.” He snorts and Luke knows he’s trying to lighten up the mood, but frankly, he feels like throwing up. He feels like everything is collapsing and he doesn’t know what to do anymore.

“I’ve never told anyone,” Luke shrugs with a sigh. This is the first time he’s ever told that to anyone out loud, Calum is the only one who knows about Luke’s crush, how Luke’s been absolutely madly in love with his best friend since he could understand what his feelings meant, and he’s the only one who knows about what happened the night of Luke’s birthday. It feels oddly liberating yet scary to know that someone else knows now, it feels more real. “Even Ash doesn’t know.” he adds quietly and Calum nods.

“In my defense, I did suspect,” Calum smirks. “I knew your little love songs weren’t about that one girlfriend you had ages ago and they aren’t about a mysterious boyfriend you’ve left behind, I know you. I thought it might be Michael, your relationship is really… unexplainable, but I wasn’t sure.” He explains and Luke’s face reddens, he knew he wouldn’t be able to fool Calum for much longer.

“Cal,” Luke whines as Michael’s letter catches his eye and he doesn’t feel like laughing anymore. “What do I do now?” he looks up at the older boy, unrealistically expecting him to have a magical solution for this situation. Calum sighs deeply and finally lets go of his mug so he can lean back against the back of his chair.

“Honestly? The first thing I really think you should do is meet him, face to face.” Calum says and the idea alone makes butterflies erupt in Luke’s stomach, it’s been nearly a year since Luke had actually touched Michael and he misses him so damn much. It’s been a long, eventful year and Luke just needs his best friend to hold him for a while. “I think you should fly home, or ask Michael to come here, I don’t know. I just think you guys really miss each other right now and that’s making it harder for you to think clearly.” Calum finishes and Luke nods.

“It’s not going to make my feelings disappear, though,” Luke says quietly. “It’s going to make them worse. I haven’t seen him in so long, it’ll be a miracle if I don’t kiss the hell out of him the second he gets here.” he says and Calum chuckles, rolling his eyes.

“You’re going to have to control your horny little ass, Luke,” Calum points an accusing finger at him. “Can I ask you something, in all seriousness?” his tone is softer, more careful and gentle. Luke nods.

“Did you sleep with all of these people because of Michael?” He asks, voice almost down to a whisper. Before Luke can say anything, Calum speaks again. “I’m not judging you.” he adds quickly, hands raised in a surrendering manner and Luke chuckles nervously.

“You have me all figured out, don’t you?” Luke’s teeth tug on his lip ring, twisting it around and playing with it, he feels exposed. He thought he was so smart and no one could ever see through him, but Calum knows everything.

“I think you should stop,” Calum’s voice remains calm and quiet as he mindlessly plays with the hem of his shirt. “Experimenting is great and if you were just doing it to have fun I’d never say anything, but you’re not having fun, Luke. You’re miserable. You’re desperately trying to fuck Michael out of your head and it’s not going to work, it’s just going to make you feel worse.” He finishes, leaning forward so he can place his warm hand on top of Luke’s colder one and Luke shudders as his heart thumps louder and faster in his chest. The things Calum is saying to him have been sitting at the back of his head for such a long time, but hearing them out loud and knowing he’s right is something else, he feels vulnerable.

“I know,” Luke chokes out, he hasn’t even realized the single tear slipping past his closed eyelid and onto his cheek. “I don’t know what to do. I had my chance, we shared the most amazing night, Cal, I’ve never felt so intimate and close to anyone before. I tried looking for that in all these boys and girls I brought here, but I couldn’t, none of them were Michael. And it’s funny, really,” Luke snorts humorlessly as he brings his free hand up to wipe off his tear. “Last week when I was in bed with one of the guys, Jake, I said Michael’s name. Jake didn’t even care, he said it was ‘kinky’ and kept going. I’ve never despised myself more.” Luke finishes, his lips tugged up into a fake smile it almost hurts.

“Luke…” Calum mutters sadly as he slips out of his char and into a crouching position next to Luke. Once he wraps his arms around Luke’s shoulders, Luke falls out of his chair and into Calum’s arms, sobbing into his shoulder pathetically.

“I’m so stupid,” Luke hiccups, drenching Calum’s grey t-shirt with his tears. Calum doesn’t seem to care. “I was too fucking scared to tell him that I loved him and now he has someone else.” He keeps crying and Calum keeps rubbing his back comfortingly, trying to help him get it all out as he whispers nice things into Luke’s ear.

“I really think you should talk to him about this, Luke,” Calum says when Luke finally calms down, about ten minutes later. “It isn’t too late, he just started seeing this guy. You can still talk to him.” he insists but Luke shakes his head.

“I missed my chance, Cal,” Luke sighs, wiping at his damp cheeks with his sleeve. “He’s happy now, I’m not going to complicate things for him. Michael deserves to be happy.” He says and Calum doesn’t add anything else, just tightens his hold of Luke’s shoulders and pulls him closer as they continue sitting in silence on the kitchen floor.

***

_Hey Mikey, I thought it’d be more fun to send you these than tell you over the phone. You and Ash are coming to visit me and Cal!!! I got you guys tickets, I really wanted you guys to be here for my eighteenth birthday in two weeks so we can all celebrate together._

_I can’t wait to see you, I’ve missed you so damn much._

_Love, Luke._

***

“Oh my God,” Luke paces back and forth, clutching his phone so tightly his knuckles turn white. Calum sighs from his seat on the uncomfortable-looking airport bench in the big hall where everyone waits for their loved ones’ flights to arrive.

“If you don’t sit your ass down on this chair I will smack you, Luke,” Calum growls eventually, making Luke roll his eyes. “Don’t try me!” he adds when Luke doesn’t follow his orders and points a warning finger at him. Luke caves and flops down next to Calum. He was right, the seat _is_ uncomfortable after all.

“Why are you so nervous, anyway?” Calum asks after a minute of silence as Luke starts picking on the peeling leather on the armrest of the chair. He shrugs and pulls on the loose piece of fabric harder, just so he has something to do with his hands.

“I haven’t seen him in so long. Seeing him in person isn’t the same as facetiming, you know,” Luke shrugs again and leaves the poor chair alone as he stares up at the ceiling. Luke’s been in so many airports lately, which is a given when you’re touring the world, and in every single airport he’s been in, no matter how small, there were always colorful balloons stuck, abandoned on the ceiling. He should’ve bought some balloons for Michael.

“I know it isn’t the same, but you guys have been best friends your whole life. The fact that you’ve been apart for a couple of months isn’t going to change anything between you two,” Calum tries to reassure, but the knot in Luke’s stomach only keeps tightening as the seconds pass. Michael and Ashton should be here any minute now. “You’ll see, you’re fussing over nothing. It’s going to be like you never left.” He smiles, placing a warm hand on Luke’s knee and giving it a squeeze.

“Luke?” An extremely familiar voice says from behind him and Luke’s blood freezes in his veins. He’s frozen in place, unable to even breathe as he tries to gather the courage to turn around and face his friends. Just when he’s about to, Michael places his hand on Luke’s shoulder and then it feels like there’s a lump in Luke’s throat as he jumps out of his seat and turns to look at his friends.

Michael looks taller, broader, the facial hair Luke knows he’d been growing because he’s too lazy to shave is so much more noticeable when it’s in person and not over the shitty iPhone camera. Michael’s hair is dyed a dark brown, it was dyed red when he and Luke Skyped two nights ago when Michael was packing and saying ‘goodbye, see you in two days!’ and Luke feels like the whole world has stopped just so he can intake how amazing Michael looks.

“Are you going to keep staring at me like the biggest goofball on earth, or are you gonna hug me at some point?” Michael lifts his eyebrow as he smirks in a way that is so familiar Luke can finally breathe again. He chuckles nervously, wipes his sweaty palms on his jeans and then finally goes in for the much needed hug. Luke feels like the world is spinning when he wraps his arms around Michael’s neck and holds him close, while Michael’s arms snake around his waist and pull him even closer. Michael smells like home, the familiar apple scented shampoo and the same cologne he never changes is everything Luke can smell, and Michael’s soft hair is ticking the side of his face where it’s rested on Michael’s shoulder and everything feels okay again.

“Feels like home.” Luke mumbles against Michael’s ear, squeezing him impossibly tighter.

“It feels like home to me too, now,” Michael whispers back, his warm breath tickling Luke’s cheek, which makes him grin even wider. “Home hasn’t felt like home without you, Lukey.” He finishes and the nickname makes Luke’s heart throb in his chest.

“It’s nice to see you too, Luke!” Ashton says with a fake-offended voice as he flicks Luke’s back of the head, making him jump right out of Michael’s hold.

“I’m sorry, Ash,” Luke bites his lip as he flashes Ashton an apologetic smile he know he wouldn’t be able to resist and pulls him into a hug. Luke loves Ashton’s hugs so much, they’re warm and comforting and he makes you forget about all your worries. “I’ve missed you like crazy.”

“I’ve missed you too, Luke,” Ashton grins against Luke’s shoulder. “You’re so big now. You used to be shorter than me, and you had no facial hair! Let me have a proper look at you.” Ashton demands as he pulls out of their hug so he can push Luke backwards just enough so he can get a good look at him. Luke and Michael always used to joke about how Ashton may be young, but he has a soul of a grandma.

“You and Mikey don’t get to pick on me anymore,” Luke smirks. He used to be shorter than the both of them, he was that boy who never hit puberty, but moving away from home and starting a career must’ve triggered the growing up process and he’s finally taller than both Michael and Ashton, as well as Calum.

“Yeah, yeah, poor little Lukey!” Ashton rolls his eyes, but his smile gives him away as he pinches Luke cheek and winks. “I’m starving, can we go grab something to eat?” he asks, and Luke isn’t even slightly surprised when he realizes Ashton’s question isn’t directed at him or Michael, it’s directed to Calum, who flushes under Ashton’s gaze.

“Sure, there’s a great pizza place right next to our apartment, let’s go.” Calum says, and Luke doesn’t miss the way he pulls Ashton’s bag from his resisting grab and insists on carrying it for him. Luke and Michael exchanging a knowing look and for the first time in a while, Luke doesn’t feel like something is missing.

***

“This one’s my favorite.” Michael tells Luke quietly as his own song, Vapor, starts playing.

Luke and Michael are lying in Luke’s bed, both of them on their backs, their shoulders pressed together as they’re staring at the ceiling. They’re sharing earphones, just like they used to do when they were younger, and Michael insisted that they’d listen to Luke’s album together.

“Vapor is my favorite too.” Luke admits, smiling to himself. His heart starts beating faster, he knows Michael wants to ask, he probably wants to know who this song is about, but Luke can’t tell him. Michael isn’t the press, Michael’s known him his whole life and he knows this whole cover story of ‘I left someone behind’ is a lie, there was no boyfriend he had left behind, only Michael.

“I can’t believe my best friend is a rockstar,” Michael says instead of asking what Luke thought he was going to ask. He feels relief wash over him, he suspects Michael knows he really doesn’t want to be asked. Maybe Michael knows what Luke answer would be, or maybe he thinks Luke wouldn’t have an answer for him at all. “ _My Luke_ is famous, _my Luke_ went on a world tour and _my Luke_ is probably the most wanted guy out there right now. And I have you _all_ to myself.”

Luke feels his breath catching in his throat, Michael referred to him as _his_ Luke. It makes Luke’s heart flutter as he rolls to his side and presses himself against Michael, hugging him.

“I’m so glad you’re here, Mikey,” Luke murmurs into the fabric of Michael’s black t-shirt. “I can’t tell you how many times I’ve considered coming home, just for you. Leaving all this behind and coming back for you. I can’t stand being apart from you.” his voice breaks as the chorus of Vapor plays in their ears.

“Hey, you’re not allowed to do that,” Michael says, speaking softly into Luke’s hair. “You’re doing what you’ve always wanted to do, Lukey. You’re having the time of your life, you’re making music and you’re performing on stage and you’re a big thing. You deserve that, and you are not allowed to give it all up because of me. I’ll always be your best friend, the fact that we don’t live close to each other won’t change that, ever.” Michael finishes with a soft kiss to Luke’s forehead, before he rests his head back on top of Luke’s.

“Promise?” Luke mumbles pathetically, Michael’s words bringing tears into his eyes.

“I will love you, and you will always be my best friend in the whole world no matter what. Even if you’d confess to being an alien. Always, Lukey,” Michael promises with the familiar words, the ones they’ve said to each other so many times in the past, and they mean the world.

As the final notes of Vapor play in the background, Michael whispers; “I promise.”

***

They fall asleep together, just like old times. Luke’s all cuddled up by Michael’s side, his cheek resting on his clothed chest, slowly rising and falling with his shallow breathing, while Michael’s arms are securely wrapped around Luke on both sides, keeping him close. It feels so good, so familiar, and even though they’re brutally woken up by a screaming Calum; ‘Ash and I didn’t cook dinner for you two to sleep through it!’, it’s the best sleep Luke’s had in months.

***

“Oh my God, Cal, you have to taste this!” Ashton exclaims before shoving a forkful of pasta into Calum’s mouth. Calum and Ashton are sitting across the table from Luke and Michael, acting like a couple that’s been married for fifty years, at least.

“It’s okay, but your pasta is way better,” Calum says once he swallows his mouthful of pasta and Ashton shakes his head.

“No, yours tastes so much better. You’ve got to teach me how to make it.” He grins at Calum with those huge eyes of his and his magical dimples, and Luke knows Calum’s heart is beating like crazy.

“I would love to.” He smiles happily, like Ashton just made his whole day by promising to teach him how to make sauce. Luke thinks they’re cute and Michael pretends to disagree and makes a whole show of being absolutely disgusted by how couple-y they’re being.

“I’m eating here!” Michael kicks Ashton’s shin under the table. “You guys are gonna make me gag.” He rolls his eyes, making exaggerated puking noises as Luke laughs like it’s the funniest thing he had ever seen.

“Shut up, Michael.” Ashton shoots him a terrifying glare, one that Luke is very familiar with, and Michael immediately stops laughing. Calum, on the other hand, is changing colors like a chameleon and he looks like he’s about two seconds away from throwing up his pasta.

“What? You guys clearly have something going on,” Michael says, pushing his luck. “Luke sees it too. So if you’re too shy to act on it because of us, please, by all means, do, because watching all this almost-there-but-not-really behavior is honestly quite exhausting. Right Luke?” he sets his fork down and stares at Luke, making everyone else turn to look at him as well, waiting for an answer. Michael loves putting Luke on the spot like that.

“I mean- yeah, you guys are kind of gross about it in a cute but frustrating way. Ash, you’ve been asking about Calum nonstop whenever he’s not around when we Skype, and Cal, you talk my ears off about Ash constantly,” Luke says, shrugging. “Don’t be silly guys, act on your feelings. You’ll always regret it if you don’t.” he adds quietly, eyes dropping to his plate. He feels everyone’s eyes boring into him. Calum obviously knows the last statement was for his own benefit and had nothing to do with his situation with Ashton, Ashton clearly doesn’t fall for it and Luke has a feeling he knew about his feelings for Michael all along and Michael, well, he’s Michael.

“Luke, you-“ Calum starts saying, but Luke’s saved by the bell. Literally. The doorbell rings and Luke shoots out of his chair faster than he ever knew he could move as he runs to the door and unlocks it.

“Dylan?” Luke nearly swallows his own tongue. Dylan was a guy Luke slept with for a full week last week, before he had a conversation with Calum and he realized it was time to stop fooling around with other people to try and get Michael out of his head.

“Hey, babe,” Dylan smirks and Luke resists the urge to slam the door right in his face at the sound of that pet name alone, but he lingers on that thought for a second too long and before he knows it Dylan is shamelessly striding into his apartment uninvited.

“Are you drunk?” Luke’s nose scrunches up in disgust as the strong smell of alcohol trails after him as he walks inside to be met with three sets of curious and confused eyes.

“Oh, we’re having dinner!” Dylan ignores Luke’s question as he sits down in the place Luke previously occupied and stares down at the plate. “Pasta, great.” He winks at Luke before he picks up his fork. Everyone seems to be too shocked to even react, but Calum’s instincts seem to kick in the fastest as he gets up and nearly knocks his chair over with the force of it.

“What are you doing here?” Calum asks, voice close to growl. “Did you invite him?” he turns to look at Luke when Dylan gives him nothing to work with.

“No, no I didn’t!” Luke panics, his stomach feels funny. “I have no idea what he’s doing here, he just let himself in. He’s drunk, Cal.” Luke bites his bottom lip and looks at Calum, feeling totally helpless and small all of the sudden.

“Dylan,” Calum raises his voice, but there’s no response. Dylan can be a total asshole when he’s drunk and Calum’s patience runs out in about five seconds as he leans forward and grabs the fork out of Dylan’s hand, throwing it to the side angrily, making Luke jump. “Get the fuck out. What are you even thinking, storming in here like that?”

Dylan stares Calum right in the eye and chuckles. It’s a bold move, not many people have the courage to stand up to a guy as bulky and big as Calum, but Dylan’s either too stupid or too drunk to even understand what he’s doing. His eyes travel around the room, examining Ashton and Michael before they land on Luke and he feels like he might vomit again.

“So, one week we sleep together and it’s all so great, you just can’t get enough, and the other you treat me like you don’t even know me?” Dylan says quietly, getting up and making his way closer to Luke. “Is that how it is?” he stares Luke right in the eye and Luke can’t move, his body goes still and he has no idea how to escape this.

Dylan grabs his wrists harshly and squeezes. “I know why you did it. I know why you’ve been sleeping around, it’s so obvious, I can read you like an open book, Luke,” Dylan’s hold of Luke’s wrists only tightens with every word he speaks and Luke’s throat won’t open up, won’t let him speak or breathe and his body won’t let him move, he can’t even push the danger away. He just stupidly stands there and take it, in front of his three best friends, feeling humiliated and stupid.

“You’re in love with someone else, and you’re trying to fuck them right out of that pretty brain of yours. Well, it’s not gonna work, Luke. I thought I could make you forget, but I guess I was wrong.” Dylan gives one final squeeze that breaks Luke and he makes a pathetic squeal of pain, unsuccessfully trying to pull back because his wrists feel like they’re about to snap under Dylan’s fingers.

“Get the hell away from him!” Michael shouts, and suddenly he’s right behind Dylan and he’s trying to pull him off of Luke. Luke hasn’t even noticed him getting out of his chair. “You’re hurting him!” Michael screams, and before anyone knows it, Dylan’s being punched in the face and he’s falling over to the floor.

Everything moves fast around Luke but he can’t hear or process any of it as he slides to the floor, hugging his knees to his chest and trying to ignore the throbbing pain in his probably-bruised wrists. Calum tries to tug him up and off the floor, but Michael places a hand on his shoulder and whispers something to him and he moves away.

Luke is also vaguely aware of Ashton dragging Dylan’s limp body out and Calum follows him. A couple of minutes later, Luke’s slow brain realizes that he’s alone with Michael and it’s probably time to let his guard down. He isn’t in danger anymore.

“Are you okay?” Michael asks softly. Luke nods his head but he knows Michael isn’t falling for it. “Let me see your wrists.” he says quietly, reaching his hand out and waiting for Luke make the move. He lets out a shaky breath and lifts both of his wrists up, letting Michael’s gentle fingers trace over the purpling skin.

“Fuck, the skin is already becoming darker,” Michael bites his bottom lip. “Does it hurt?” he looks up and meets Luke’s terrified eyes.

“It’s okay.” Luke’s voice comes out as more of a croak and he wants to slap himself for being so weak. He couldn’t even say a word to Dylan or defend himself, he’s such an idiot. He made a complete fool of himself.

“Maybe I can get you some ice? Or maybe you should get in the shower and put your wrists under the warm water, I’m not sure which is better.” Michael scratches his hair adorably as he tries to think and Luke manages a smile.

“Just don’t leave, okay?” Luke asks quietly, meeting Michael’s beautiful, green eyes, the ones that instantly make it all better. “Can we just sit here for a while?” he adds and Michael nods without even thinking twice.

“Of course we can,” Michael leans back against the wall and takes one of Luke’s hands in his, lacing their fingers together. “We can stay here as long as you want, Lukey.” He squeezes Luke’s hand and Luke smiles and nods, head dropping to rest against Michael’s shoulder.

As they sit there in silence on the floor, Luke can practically sense that there’s something Michael wants to say. Luke suspects he has something to say about Dylan, or maybe just the way Luke’s been living lately, he knows Michael must have seen it somewhere online or in a trashy magazine. Luke’s scared of what Michael has to say, he knows there’s something bugging him but he’s keeping it in for now, for Luke’s sake. Luke just can’t handle it tonight, not after what just happened. So he stays quiet.

They just sit there on the floor, hands laced together as Michael hums Luke’s favorite songs to fill up the silence he knows Luke hates so much, it eases up the nervous stomachache Luke’s having because he realizes that after what happened tonight, there’s a big storm coming.

Luke falls asleep with a bad taste in his mouth, right there on the floor, pressed up against Michael’s side. Because no matter what happens, Luke always feel safe with Michael and Luke can only ever really peacefully sleep when he has Michael by his side.


	4. Up and Down, it All Comes Back Around

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HI GUYS 
> 
> so i have so much explaining to do. the last thing i posted was on april, a day before i joined the army. the last 9 month have been absolutely insane and i really didn't have time or energy to put into writing, as sad as that is. i struggled with this new reality i'm gonna be living in for the next year and 3 months and i was struggling with that while having my mental illnesses weighting me down and it was all too much so i just really couldn't focus on writing.
> 
> but now i'm back! i feel so much better and i'm having a great time at the army. i'm at base for 10 days and then i get 4 days at home (soon it'll be 9 days at base and 5 at home so yay more time for me) but during my 4 days at home i'll be trying my best to write as much as i can.
> 
> all i know is that i'm dying to complete this fic bc i put a lot of myself into it and after this one there's a lot more to come!
> 
> this chapter is jut a mini one for the meantime, i'll be trying to post a better one tomorrow but in case i won't have time- you still get this one! i hope you enjoy it and that you guys haven't given up on me entirely.  
> i love you, have fun!!!
> 
> ***

When Luke wakes up the next morning he’s no longer lying pathetically on the floor next to Michael, he’s in his bed and no longer wearing his nice clothes from the night before. He doesn’t really miss his clothes, though, what he really misses is Michael’s comforting body heat and presence by his side. Instead, he’s lying alone in his bed, last night’s events still fresh in his brain.

Luke rolls over, the back of his head hitting the pillow tiredly. He looks down and observes his wrists. They’re swollen and there’s a black ring circling each of his wrists. Luke sighs and lets his arms fall down by his side. He closes his eyes and gathers the strength to drag himself out of bed.

The thing that finally makes Luke get up and out of the comforting warmness of his bed is, unsurprisingly, the muffled sound of Michael’s laughter behind the wooden door. He can vaguely hear Ashton mumbling something and then Michael cracks up again, it makes Luke smile like an idiot.

Luke quickly pulls on a shirt he’s not even sure belongs to him and rushes into his bathroom to quickly brush his teeth so he can join his friends in the living room.

“Well, good morning, sleeping beauty.” Ashton says with a silly grin when Luke tiredly emerges in the living room. Luke rolls his eyes and doesn’t even give him a second look as his brain immediately scans the room for Michael.

Luke’s eyes land on Michael’s face and a wave of warmness and familiarity washes over him as he finally smiles genuinely for the first time this morning.

“It’s already noon, to be honest,” Michael mumbles, a small smile playing on his lips. “But I’m glad you’re finally up.” He finishes and gestures Luke to step closer and join him on the couch.

Luke settles in by Michael’s side, their shoulders and hips touching. Luke’s bare skin prickles where it brushes against Michael’s clothed side, and he tries to hide the blush spreading across his cheeks as he looks over at his friends, sitting together on the couch across from him and Michael.

Luke does a double take as his brain finally catches up with the fact that Ashton is holding one of Calum’s hands between his two bigger ones, his thumb brushing slow circles into his brown skin.

“What the-“ Luke starts, choking on his own tongue as he looks between his two friends and Michael. “How long have I been asleep? Am I dreaming?” he asks, pointing at his friends’ interlaced hands as the three of them burst into laughter.

“While you were fast asleep, Lukey,” Michael starts in an annoyingly relaxed and unsurprised tone. “I was awake, covering your ears so these two rabbits wouldn’t wake you the hell up with all the noise they were making.” Michael’s lips curve into a huge, idiotic grin as Calum and Ashton become redder than a pair of cherries in front of them.

“God, Michael!” Ashton shouts, a look of pure horror and embarrassment on his face. “You could’ve honestly said it in a more gentle way.”

“I know I could have, but that would be no fun at all,” Michael rolls his eyes as he settles back into the couch pillows and throws his arm over Luke’s shoulders. “Plus, Luke’s face is totally fucking worth it.” He finishes with a giggle while Luke tries to process the fact that his two dumb friends finally got the brains to get over their childish shyness of each other and get together.

“Luke?” Calum says so softly it’s almost a whisper. His huge, brown eyes pierce right into Luke as he probably waits for him to approve or give a word of encouragement. Luke realizes it’s time to get over his initial shock before his friends mistake it for him being weird about it.

“I’m so fucking happy for you guys,” Luke smiles. “I have honestly been waiting for this to finally happen for so long.”

***

_Hey Luke,_

_I, again, stole your little tradition because I’ve been wanting to say something to you for the past couple of days but I haven’t had the courage, so I decided to leave this letter to you and cowardly write my thoughts down is easier._

_I know it’s none of my business and it isn’t my place to say but I really think what you’re doing is terrible for you. I think the way you’re living is just so bad for you. I encourage the whole rockstar lifestyle you have going on and you should and you deserve to be having so much fun and you have every right to just do whatever you want, but I really do think all these people you barely know anything about and you let into your life are dangerous and they’re not doing you any good, look at what happened at dinner before we left._

_I hated seeing you get hurt, physically and emotionally, I hate that I could actually feel myself all the pain you were feeling that day. I know most people aren’t that guy, but I just think he’s not good for you. This isn’t good for you, Luke._

_You deserve the entire universe, Luke, you deserve someone who will genuinely and honestly love you with their whole heart. And I just know all these people you sleep around with aren’t that person, they aren’t going to make you feel good, and they’re just a temporary solution._

_I hope you understand what I mean, I love you and I care about you more than anything and I would hate seeing you get hurt. Please, take care of yourself._

_Love, Michael._

***

“Hello?”

“I read your letter.” Luke says coldly. He didn’t have the guts to make this a video call, so he settled for a good, old voice call.

“Oh,” Michael says shakily, Luke knows Michael can already tell by his tone that he is not pleased. “Lukey, listen-“

“No, you don’t get to sweet talk me out of this one, Mikey- _Michael_ ,” he quickly corrects himself, force of habit. “You don’t get to criticize the way I live, and you certainly don’t get to go all ‘psychology major’ on me and tell me there’s a deep issue I’m trying to fix by fucking a different random every night. You’re my best friend, but you don’t get to say any of that to me. You don’t get to say that to me when you, yourself are with someone who is clearly isn’t that great for you either!” Luke realizes two things that moment- the first one is that he was shouting the entire time, and the second is that he said something he really shouldn’t have said and it’s too late to take it back.

Michael is silent for a second and Luke prays by some miracle their phone call got cut off by bad reception or maybe the hand of freakin’ god, but then Michael clears his throat. “What’s that supposed to mean, Luke?”

Luke sighs, what is he supposed to say? ‘Hey, Michael, I think that person you’re seeing isn’t great for you because he’s not me and I’m just being a huge jealous asshole because I’ve been in love with you since we first met when our moms first put us to sleep together in the same crib, more or less. But it’s all cool, just fly back here and kiss me and we can forget it all happened and live a fucking happily ever after’.

Instead, he takes a deep, shaky breath and says, “I don’t think you’re really happy, Michael. You may be fooling everyone else, you may be even fooling you own self, but you don’t fool me. I see right through you, I saw it when you were here the whole time and I heard it in your voice every time we spoke. Jackson really sounds like a great guy, but I just know you’re not happy with him. You’ve been here for a whole week and you haven’t mentioned him once and you know what? That was the happiest I’ve seen you in fucking months. So you don’t get to pretend you’re happy with me just like you claim I don’t get to play happy with you.”

There’s another pause, and Luke feels terrible. It might not be the entire truth, but it is a slight part of it. He’s certainly jealous that Michael’s seeing someone that isn’t him, and that Michael’s center of the universe isn’t him anymore, but he also honestly thinks this guy isn’t Michael’s _one_. He can always tell.

“Wow, Luke,” Michael sounds tired all of the sudden. “I didn’t know you had all that in you. I thought we’ve been friends long enough for us to be open and honest with each other, but apparently you’ve been having all these thoughts you never thought to share with me for a while.” He sounds genuinely disappointed and it sends a jolt of pain through Luke’s whole body.

“Yeah,” Luke breathes. “I thought so too, but apparently you have also been thinking all these terrible things of me too. I thought you’re the one person who’d never judge me, Michael, especially not when it comes to who I bring into bed, but it turns out you’re the only one who does, actually.”

“I can’t believe you think that, Luke.” Michael’s voice is so weak and shaky Luke almost bursts into pathetic tears. “I can’t believe that after all this time you’d really think I’d judge you over something this meaningless. You can sleep with the whole fucking universe at once, for all I care. You’ve completely missed my point.”

“Before you tell me how wrong my decision are, and how self destructive I am with my personal relationships with people, why don’t you take a look at your own relationship first?”

***

**3 days later**

_Hey, Mikey._

_I hope you aren’t tearing this letter apart already, but I have something important to say._

_I’m so fucking sorry._

_I fucked up so badly, I had no right to say all those things, it doesn’t matter how I feel about your relationship, it’s your own decision and you know I’ll always stand by your side no matter what. I’m sorry for being an asshole and a horrible, terrible friend. I love you so much and I hope you can forgive me._

_Please write me back,_

_Love, Luke._

***

**From: Mikey [03:49AM]**

I just got your letter, I’m so fucking sorry for everything I said. I had no right to question what you’re doing or say any of these things. I love you so much please forgive me

**From: Mikey [03:51AM]**

Also, I realize it’s like 4AM over there but I have a feeling you’re awake so please just answer me before I collapse. I missed you so much I can’t believe we haven’t spoken for almost a whole week. I also wish you would’ve texted me because it’d get here so much faster than mailing a goddamn postcard you jerk

**From: Mikey [03:51AM]**

I also realize calling you a jerk isn’t going to help you forgive me but please forgive me anyway

Luke can’t help but laugh as he rereads Michael’s texts over and over again. It might almost be 4AM where he is, but since his fight with Michael he hasn’t been sleeping, so Michael finally talking to him makes him feel so relieved he nearly cries as he shakily types a response.

**To: Mikey [03:58AM]**

Of course I forgive you, you giant goof. I love you so much and I have missed you like crazy. I wish you’d visit again, I honestly hate that we’re so far from each other. It makes making up so much harder because I’d give the world to burst into your room right now and just hug you until you forgive me

**From: Mikey [04:00AM]**

I already forgave you, stupid. And I’m hugging you all the way from Sydney, be sure. I love you, dork

**To: Mikey [04:01AM]**

Promise?

**From: Mikey [04:02AM]**

I will love you, and you will always be my best friend in the whole world and the most important person to me in the whole galaxy even if you confess to being an alien right now.  


**From: Mikey [04:02AM]**

Don’t forget that, ever


	5. And I'll Just Smile, and Make Believe I Don't Feel a Thing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as promised- chapter 5!!! i hope you'll like it, it's a bit dramatic

_6 months later (Age 19, Los Angeles)_

Luke jolts awake when some asshole decides that the most fun activity in the world right now would be to ring the doorbell until their finger falls off. The irritating noise the bell makes sounds like terrible screams to Luke’s tired brain and he thanks god he isn’t hungover because his head would probably explode if he was.

“ _Calum_!” Luke screams at the top of his lungs, trying to win over the annoying noise while still keeping his eyes screwed shut, he could still go back to sleep.

Calum doesn’t answer to any of Luke’s shouts and he doesn’t understand how such a noise didn’t wake him up already. Or maybe he’s just trying to get Luke to get up.

“CALUM! Someone’s at the fucking door!!!” he continues screaming before he remembers that before they went to bed last night Calum had reminded Luke that he was going to the studio early in the morning because he has a new song he wants to work on.

After two whole minutes of nonstop torturous buzzing Luke decides it’s finally time to drag himself out of bed and murder the bastard who won’t give up on his attempt to ruin Luke’s hearing. With a grunt, he pulls the duvet off himself and barely manages to throw on a shirt before he’s striding to the door while cussing the entire universe and everyone who lives in it.

“What the fuck do you-“ Luke starts as he pulls the door open so hard the force of it nearly knocks him over, but he gets cut off by a wave of pure surprise when his eyes finally land on the person at the door.

“Ash?”

“Calum isn’t home, right?” Ashton whispers as he shoves Luke back inside of his apartment and shuts the door behind them. “He said he was leaving early today so I just slept in my car two blocks from here until I thought he was gone.” He says so quickly Luke barely catches any of that.

“What?” Luke is so confused and surprised he really has no idea what else to say, so he dumbly stands there and stares as his friend unzips his duffle bag and pulls out a white t-shirt.

“I need your help,” Ashton says as he pulls the t-shirt he’s currently wearing over his head and throws it at the dining table before pulling on the new shirt he retrieved from his bag.

“Ash,” Luke starts, placing a hand on his friend’s shoulder. “Are you in trouble?”

“What? No, of course not!” Ashton chuckles before he fishes his phone out of his pocket and starts tapping on his screen, not looking up at Luke as he says, “I’m here to do something huge, and I need your help.”

“Well? What the hell is the huge thing?” Luke resists the urge to shake Ashton by the shoulders, he can’t just show up here unannounced and say something like this and not give up any other details.

“You’ll find out soon enough,” Ashton mumbles while still tapping away on his phone and not giving Luke an extra look. “Go wear something decent, we’re leaving.”

Luke rolls his eyes as he starts walking towards his room. “I missed you too, _friend_.” He mutters cynically.

“Hey, Luke,” Ashton calls after him. “I missed you.” he runs up to him with his stupid, irresistible smile and wraps his arms around Luke and squeezes.

“I missed you too, dumbass.”

***

“Okay, so before we go in, I’m going to explain everything to you.” Ashton says with the most serious face when he pulls his car over next to a three story building, only a five minute drive from Luke’s apartment.

“You’re scaring me, Ash,” Luke swallows. “Are you sure everything’s alright?”

Ashton waves his hands in a dismissive manner and smiles in a way that reassures Luke just slightly. “Yes, just let me explain,” he clears his throat.

“So I know this is pretty early and you’re probably going to tell me I’m mad or something, but having a relationship with someone who lives on the other side of the globe is insanely hard. And I know you understand me, because of Michael. So I thought about it, a whole lot, and I decided to surprise Cal. I got us an apartment, here in LA.”

“YOU’RE MOVING TO LA?” Luke screams with the biggest, stupidest grin on his face as he tries to push his happy tears back. “Oh my god, my best friend is moving to LA to be with my other best friend!” he lunges at Ashton and squeezes him until Ashton screams mercy because Luke’s cutting his air supply.

“So I really need your help, I sent all my stuff here a week ago and it’s waiting in the apartment, but I really need your help sorting everything out before Cal’s back,” Ashton explains as he already starts gathering his things to leave the car. “The house is just full of boxes and there’s no way I can do it all by myself _and_ cook a romantic dinner.”

Luke chuckles and nods. “Of course I’ll help.”

“Oh, and by the way, I’ve got a huge surprise for you too.”

***

Luke helps Ashton carry the last of his belongings up the stairs until they reach the third floor of the building and Ashton fishes out the keys to his new penthouse.

“Okay, leave the box here for a sec,” Ashton says, dropping the box he was carrying on the floor by the door and shoving the key into the lock. “Are you ready for your surprise?” he smiles so big Luke’s really starting to get nervous.

“Uh,” Luke stammers. “I guess so.” He shrugs and Ashton doesn’t wait anymore as he unlocks the door and pushes it open, gesturing Luke to go past him and walk inside.

“ _SURPRISE_!” A familiar voice shouts right into Luke’s face and he nearly falls over, but manages to regain his balance.

“Mikey!” Luke screams happily and jumps into Michael’s arms without hesitating. “I’ve missed you so, so, so much.” He whispers into his best friend’s ear as he continues to squeeze him.

“I’ve missed you like crazy,” Michael whispers back and pulls back just a bit so he can grab Luke’s face and press a soft kiss into Luke’s forehead, and then his cheek and then his other. Luke feels his skin prickle with excitement.

“Jackson,” Ashton’s voice surprises Luke, he nearly forgot he and Michael weren’t alone. And then Luke’s slow brain catches up and he realizes he recognizes this name. “Could you help me carry these boxes in while these two finish their cheesy reunion?”

Luke immediately pulls away from Michael like his touch could burn him and he looks past Michael’s messy bed hair to look at his best friend and crush’s boyfriend.

“Oh,” Luke says dumbly, his whole face reddening. “Hi, I’m Luke. I’m really happy to finally meet you.” he walks past Michael and offers a hand to Jackson, who’s smiling as awkwardly as Luke’s feeling.

“I have heard so much about you,” Jackson says, “I mean, from Michael, not just because you’re famous and all.” He continues and Luke chuckles and shoots Michael a funny look.

“I’ve heard a lot about you too,” Luke says, ignoring the pang in his chest. “This one can’t shut up about you, ever.” He laughs and Jackson joins him. Luke tries his best to fight the urge to run all the way back to Sydney and hide under his bed for the rest of eternity.

“Are you guys going to keep complimenting each other, or is someone actually going to help me get this apartment ready for my boyfriend by seven?”

***

 Ashton doesn’t let Luke, Michael and Jackson hang around for when he surprises Calum and he kicks them out and tells them to go grab dinner while everything goes down and he’d update them when it’s all over. So the three of them are left to walk together in the streets of Los Angeles, searching for a nice place to sit down and grab some food.

“So,” Michael starts when the awkward silence almost becomes completely unbearable. “What do you guys feel like, Italian, Thai or maybe Mexican? There’s also that great Indian place Luke took me to when I last visited.”

“Yeah that Indian restaurant was great,” Luke says quietly, for some reason the air between the three of them just feels so off.

Jackson is nice, Luke has to admit, but he still feels weird being around the first serious boyfriend Michael, aka his best friend and crush of, like, nineteen years, has ever had. At the same time Luke also knows Michael can already tell Luke is being weird about the whole situation. And to top it all, Luke is aware Jackson is really not stupid and he definitely senses the strange vibe as well. The whole thing just feels extremely awkward and a bit suffocating, but they’re all trying their best.

“I love Indian food,” Jackson adds. “Michael and I actually had our first date at an Indian restaurant.” he adds and shoots Michael a small smile that Michael returns before looking up at Luke looking guilty.

“Remember how I got all red and there was literally smoke coming out of my ears because I accidentally ordered the spiciest dish on the menu?” Michael says, laughing, and Jackson cracks up immediately, nodding his head enthusiastically. “And I was trying so hard not to show how much I was suffering, I was trying to impress you.” he adds and at that Jackson wraps his hand around Michael’s arm and moves closer to him.

“It was so cute,” Jackson smiles lovingly at Michael before turning to look at Luke. “He’s a perfect gentleman, really. You raised him well.” He winks at Luke.

Luke forces a smile and a chuckle as they keep walking to the restaurant.

***

Things get less awkward and Luke kind of gets used to the idea of Jackson by the time they’re almost finished with their meal. They’re laughing over a beer, sharing embarrassing stories about Michael because that’s really the only common denominator they have. Everything starts feeling okay for the first time that evening until something happens.

“There will be no Indian food at our wedding, mister, you hear me?” Jackson giggles, pointing a finger at Michael. “I can’t risk you having something spicy to eat by accident, you’ll become all red for the whole night, I know you.” he laughs and Luke tries not to choke on his own saliva as he looks between his best friend and his boyfriend.

“Y-your wedding?” Luke asks, eyebrows raised in pure shock. Michael swallows and they all fall into an awful, heavy silence.

“You haven’t told him?” Jackson’s the first to speak and it’s hard to miss how the pain in his words.

“I- I was waiting for the right time, babe,” Michael says quietly, clearly not even fooling himself. “I wasn’t hiding it or anything.”

“It’s been three weeks, Michael.” Michael’s boyfriend looks so offended even Luke feels bad for him. But then he realizes his best friend’s been engaged for three whole weeks and he didn’t know anything about it.

“You’ve been engaged for three weeks, and you didn’t even think to tell me?” Luke stares right into Michael’s eyes, he feels like crying. “You had so many chances, Michael. How could you skip something so big? And after everything we’ve talked about, you make this huge decision without even telling me?”

“I can’t believe this.” Is all Jackson says as he gets up so fast the force of it knocks his chair back and he storms right out of the restaurant.

“Luke, I-“ Michael tires, but Luke doesn’t even let him finish as he gets up as well and walks outside into the chilly night air.

***  
 Two hours and four beers later, there’s a knock on Luke’s bedroom door. He grunts. “Go away!” he shouts and rolls over onto his back, staring at the dark ceiling. “Especially if it’s you, Michael. I don’t want to see you right now.”

“Bud, it’s Cal,” he says softly from behind the closed door. Luke sighs. “Can I come in, please?”

“Fine.” Luke shrugs into the darkness as if Calum’s got x-ray and night vision.

The door opens and closes and Luke can’t really see anything, but he can smell Calum’s familiar cologne as he walks towards Luke’s bed and sits down with a sigh.

“How’re you doing, Lukey?” Calum asks as he strokes Luke’s hair the way he knows he loves. It calms him, Michael would do that to him every time he was sad or angry or just feeling down.

“I guess you already know everything, huh?” Luke chuckles.

“Yeah, Jackson came storming into the apartment, he looked like he wanted to murder someone and apologized for bothering us but he had nowhere else to go. An hour later, Michael walked in and looked like the whole world had collapsed on him,” Calum chuckles. “Jackson wouldn’t let him into the guest room so Michael joined us in the living room and told us everything.”

“He’s getting married, Cal,” Luke feels a warm tear rolling down his cheek and onto the mattress. “It’s over. It’s all fucking over.” He hiccups and Calum’s arms immediately wrap around him.

“It’s never over, Luke,” Calum presses a small kiss to Luke’s hair. “You know why it took Michael a whole hour to get back to the apartment, back to Jackson?” he asks, Luke shakes his head.

“He told us he walked back here and sat on the floor, at the front door, for forty minutes before he realized he fucked up and you weren’t going to let him in, only then he gave up and came back here to try and fix everything with Jackson,” Calum says. “Point is, he didn’t run straight after his fiancé, he ran straight after _you_.”

***

_2 days later_

Luke takes a deep, deep breath as he gathers the courage to knock on the door. A mere second after he does, he hears muffled footsteps and then the door unlocks and a very tired Michael appears behind it.

“Lukey,” the blond haired boy sounds so broken it makes Luke’s knees weak. “Do you want to come in?” he asks, and Luke nods and walks past Michael and into the hotel room.

“Where’s Jackson?” Luke asks quietly as he realizes the two of them are alone in the room. He drops down on the unmade, messy bed and waits for Michael to join him.

“He went to get us a pizza,” he explains as he takes a seat on the bed, as far away from Luke as physically possible. “Do you want me to call him and tell him you’re joining?” he asks, biting his lip.

“No, thanks,” Luke tries to smile. It comes out crooked. “I’m going out to dinner with the band, I haven’t seen them in a while. But I really wanted to talk to you first.” Michael nods, so Luke continues, clearing his throat. “I’m sorry I was such an ass at the restaurant the other day. I don’t have the right to be mad at you for not telling me something,” he looks down at his fingers, fiddling with them awkwardly as he tries to avoid looking up at Michael. “This is really big news and I shouldn’t have been so mean about the whole thing, you don’t owe me anything.”

“Luke, don’t be silly,” Michael scoots closer to Luke, grabbing his hand in his smaller one and making Luke look up and meet his soft, beautiful green eyes he loves so much. “I should’ve told you before I even asked him, I should have consulted you. I’ve never even made a decision of what I want for dinner without asking you first, I don’t even know how I made this decision all by myself. I sometimes think I rushed into this too quickly, I wasn’t thinking.” Michael rubs at his eyes with his free hand. Luke squeezes the one he’s holding.

“Do you love him?” Luke asks quietly, every word tearing his heart apart more. “Look at me.” He lifts Michael’s chin up with his other hand, letting his finger linger on Michael’s soft skin.

Instead of answering Luke’s question, Michael leans in closer to Luke, their noses brushing. Luke feels breathless, his heart speeding up like crazy in his chest. He doesn’t know how to react or what to do, is Michael just being his affectionate self? Is he reading this wrong?

“I-“ Michael starts, but just then they hear the swipe of a keycard behind the hotel door and they both jump apart and away from each other.

“I got the pizza, babe!” Jackson says happily as he walks in with a tray of hot pizza. His smile fades when he notices Luke. “Oh, hey, Luke. Are you joining us?” he asks politely.

Luke smiles and shakes his head. “Thanks, but I’m having dinner with the band. I was just leaving, actually.” He gathers every tiny bit of strength still left in him and gets up.

“Alright,” Jackson shrugs, he looks kind of relieved. “Have fun.”

“I’ll walk you out.” Michael jumps right after Luke and chases after him out of the room and into the hotel hallway. They don’t talk as they walk the short distance to the elevator and Luke pushes the button.

“So, are we okay?” Michael asks shyly.

“Of course,” Luke smiles, placing a hand on Michael’s shoulder, still confused about what just happened in the room. His mind still racing with so many questions, what would’ve happened if Jackson hadn’t walked in? What was Michael’s intention? What was _his_ intention?

The elevator dings as it reaches their floor and the doors slide open.

“You know,” Luke says as he steps inside and pushes the L button. “You never answered my question.” He says right when the elevator dings again and the doors slide shut between him and his best friend.


	6. And I'll Look After You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm verrrrrrry excited about this chapter, definitely very dramatic. I hope you guys like it!!!

“God,” Calum exhales dramatically, leaning back into the sofa cushion and curling up against Ashton’s side. “Your life is just a never ending series of drama.”

“This is honestly more interesting than every soap opera I have ever watched,” Ashton agrees with a quick nod. Luke feels the urge to burst into angry tears. But instead, he grabs a pillow and shoves his face in it and growls into it like a kid who didn’t get the toy he wanted at the store.

“What do I do now?” he mutters into the pillow, not sure if his friends can even understand what he’s saying, but he’s really too embarrassed and frustrated to get out of hiding. As if this stupid pillow could shield him from the world and the way he’s feeling for the rest of his life.

“Look,” Ashton clears his throat, and Luke recognizes this tone. It’s time for one of Ash’s ‘it’s time to get real’ lectures. “The way I see it, you have two options; The first is to just to move your lazy, whiny ass over there and be brave for five fuckin’ seconds and just tell him how you feel,” Ashton says and Luke’s glad they can’t see the horrified look on his face, just thinking about telling Michael makes him shake to the core. “The second one is to just continue on hiding the way you feel and stay miserable until time makes it fade. You just gotta decide what you’re gonna do.”

“I can’t tell him how I feel,” Luke continues speaking into the fabric pressed against his face. “He’s engaged, he literally has a fiancé and he’s probably happy. I can’t just crash the party and ruin everything.” He sighs.

“I can’t tell you if he’s happy or not, the only thing I can tell you is that you have a very limited amount of time to tell him how you really feel before it’s too late,” Ashton says softly, but his words still make Luke feel like he’s being stabbed in the heart repeatedly. “He’s getting married soon, Luke, so you have to decide what you want to do. You can either accept it, or be honest with him and see how it goes.”

Luke finally pries the pillow off his face and a single, warm tear rolls down his cheek. He wipes it off with the back of his hand quickly, but his friends still catch that and give him a sad look.

“I think I’ve already missed my chance, guys,” he sniffs and takes a deep, shaky breath, hugging his knees to his chest and resting his chin on them. “Michael is getting married and it’s just too late.”

Ashton and Calum hold Luke for what feels like days as he completely falls apart and breaks down in their arms as the realization sinks in that he’s lost his chance with his best friend and the love of his life.

***

_Age 20 (7 months later), Sydney Airport_

_Michael’s wedding day_

“What do you mean there are no taxis today?” Luke yells. This day just keeps getting worse. First, their flight got delayed and instead of leaving LAX at six in the evening their plane only took off at midnight, then they thought Calum’s luggage got lost on the way but after forty five minutes of waiting they had finally managed to locate it and now this.

“I’m sorry, sir,” the poor lady behind the desk says softly. “The taxi drivers are striking today, all over Sydney. We’re trying to organize some vehicles and drivers here at the airport, but there’s nothing we can do at the moment.” She says and Luke feels the color draining from his face.

“We’re going to be so late,” Luke says, turning to face Ashton and Calum. “We’re going to miss the wedding and Michael is going to hate us.” he panics.

“No we are not,” Calum says. “Ash ringed his mom and she’s on her way, calm down!” he says and Luke knows he’s panicking too.

“You know it’s going to take her an hour to get here and then another hour to the venue,” Luke scratches the back of his neck, leaning against the wall to try and balance himself. “We’re never going to make it in time.”

“Hey,” Ashton says impatiently. He was always the calm one of them all. “You guys need to relax! We’re going to take our bags and go change into our tuxes in the bathroom and then wait for Cal’s mom to get here. It’s going to be fine, maybe Michael can stall for us or something.”

Luke thinks about how much he envies Ashton’s ability to stay cool in every situation as they grab their things and rush to the nearest bathroom.

***

They arrive the venue an hour and a half late. The four of them; Luke, Ashton, Calum and Ashton’s mother run out of the car and into the big party hall. Everything is decorated in white and it all looks so festive and beautiful, and so when they reach the big, wooden doors Luke can’t bring himself to go inside after his friends.

Calum notices his absence first and turns around to face Luke. “What is it?”

Luke’s legs are shaking. “This is it, Cal,” he sighs. “This is his wedding.”

“I know it’s hard, Luke,” Calum moves closer to Luke and drapes an arm around his shoulders. “But there’s nothing you can do now, right? As hard as it is for me to say this and to see you suffer like that, I just think you have to go in there right now and be as happy as you can for him. You’re his best friend and this is a big day for him and he needs you. He wants you there.” He says softly, almost whispering. And as painful as it may be for Luke, he knows Calum’s right.

“Okay.” Is all Luke says before he pulls on a fake smile and walks inside, Calum not too far behind.

“You’re here!” Luke hears Michael before he even gets a chance to see him as he runs right into Luke and hugs him so tight he can barely breathe.

“I’m so, so sorry we missed the ceremony,” Luke says right into Michael’s ear, shivering in his arms. “I love you so much, I can’t believe you’re married.” He squeezes his best friend even tighter than before.

“All that matters is that you’re here now.” Michael whispers back and Luke smiles, a genuine smile this time. He’s just about to tell Michael how happy he is for him when a familiar voice cuts him off.

“Luke, it’s so good to see you!” Luke immediately recognizes Michael’s mother’s voice. He pulls away from Michael and moves past him so he can talk to her.

“Karen!” he grins happily and runs right into her arms. Michael’s mom has always been like a second mother to him just like his own mother was like a second one to Michael their entire lives. “I’ve missed you, how have you been?” he asks into Karen’s shoulder as she rubs his back comfortingly.

“We’ve missed you a lot, Daryl and me,” she answers and pulls back so she can look at Luke now. “We are so proud of you. We’ve been listening to your album nonstop since it came out.” Karen says and Luke feels familiar warmth spreading in his chest, he’s finally home, finally surrounded by all these people who have known him since he was a kid.

“You know that means a lot to me, right?” he tells her, swallowing down the sudden urge to burst into tears like he’s five again. Luke looks up and searches for Michael around him. When he spots Michael, their gazes lock and they dumbly grin at each other from across the room.

“Go to him,” Karen surprises Luke by saying. He looks away from Michael and into her eyes. “He’s been on edge all day waiting for you, you know him. Go to him.” she smiles the way Ashton always does, like he knows something Luke doesn’t.

“I’ll catch you later.” Luke promises Karen as he turns around to look for Michael, but instead he knocks right into someone.

“I’m s-“ he begins before he realizes it’s Michael he walked into. “Oh, it’s you.” he chuckles stupidly, making Michael giggle adorably.

“I was looking for you,” Michael says, looking Luke up and down, making him fidget. “If you’re still up for it, now would be a good time for your speech.”

“Oh,” Luke says dumbly, he really thought Michael would say something else and with all the stress and rushing today he nearly forgot he was supposed to make a speech. “Of course, yeah. Whenever you’re ready.” He tries to smile but it comes out crooked and Michael eyes him weirdly.

“Jackson said we could pass it if you didn’t show,” Michael says, pulling at his own fingers, something he usually does when he’s nervous. Luke doesn’t know why he’d be nervous right now. “But I knew you would, I knew you’d get here in time.” he looks up to meet Luke’s eyes and smiles.

Luke smiles back, even though the thought of Jackson convincing Michael that Luke wasn’t going to show suddenly wouldn’t leave his mind. “It’s your wedding day, Mikey. Of course I’m here. I was two seconds away from running here before Ash’s mom picked us up.” He laughs.

“You know you’re my best friend in the whole world, right?” Michael bites his lip and reaches down to take Luke’s hand in his. And their fingers lace together, Luke can feel the newly placed ring on Michael’s finger and suddenly there’s a lump in his throat.

“I know.” Luke chokes out, squeezing Michael’s hand as Michael guides them to the table.

***

“Uh, hi,” Luke starts awkwardly, feeling everyone’s curious gazes on him. “I’m Luke, I’m the best man and I guess it’s time for my speech now, huh?” he laughs, cheeks reddening. Luke’s never had a problem to stand in front of a crowd, hence his career choice, but this feels different and bigger, more important than ever.

He clears his throat and continues. “So, I’m not really great at this stuff and I didn’t write anything, I just thought I’d speak from the heart. And when it comes to Michael, it’s probably the easiest thing for me to do.” Luke says and looks up at Michael, holding his gaze as he speaks. “You’ve been my best friend since I can remember myself. My favorite childhood memories are probably the ones of us lying down on the floor and listening to ‘grown up’ music under the covers we spent hours building into lame fortresses, or all the nights we spent talking under the covers even though we’ve been told to go to sleep thousands of times. But my personal favorite memory has to be of the day you came to me crying and I was the first person you shared this big thing with. I remember feeling like I was the most special guy in the entire world, if you chose me to keep your secret and to be there for you. You know, our relationship is probably the best and longest relationship I’ve had with anyone, you’ve always been the most important person to me in the whole universe, and you always will be. And something I will forever cherish in my heart is my sixteenth birthday, I don’t think you remember, but please know I _always_ will. It was a life changing day for me.

So Michael, my best friend, I’m really glad you found your person. Sometimes our _person_ is right under our nose and we don’t even know it and when you finally realize it, it’s too late. But sometimes, you find that person, and then you marry them. I’m really glad you had it the easy way, you deserve that.” The hand Luke has wrapped securely around his glass of wine shakes. He turns to look at Jackson, for the first time tonight, and says, “And Jackson, don’t forget you married the most important person in my life. Please watch over him for me and love him the way he deserves. Congratulations to the groom and groom. This is really, a special day.” he finishes, raising his wine glass and sipping from it.

The crowd is silent and when Luke finally gathers enough courage to look around, he notices that everyone’s giving him the strangest looks and he knows he probably completely gave himself away with his speech.

“Luke,” Ashton says, shaking Luke out of his shock. He turns to look at Ashton and Calum who are looking at him with wide eyes. “Can I ask you something?”

“I- yeah, what is it?” he stutters, shakily placing his glass down on the table before he drops it.

“You… you remember your sixteenth birthday?” Ashton frowns, like he’s concentrating real hard and like something just clicked in his brain. Luke’s never even spoken to him about what really happened at his birthday party with Michael after he left, he’s only ever told Calum and he doubts Calum discussed that with Ashton. “You remember, you and Michael?”

“What- of course I remember,” Luke mumbles, running a hand through his hair. “I never told you that, though. Did you?” he asks, referring to Calum.

Calum immediately raises his hands in a surrounding manner. “I didn’t, that’s why I was so surprised when you mentioned it and Ash told me he thought you didn’t remember that night at all.” And then it all comes clear to Luke, it’s like the final piece of the puzzle finds its slot and it all comes together.

“Oh my god,” Luke stumbles backwards, flopping down onto his chair, his mind racing. “He remembers?” he asks, looking up at Ashton with wide eyes.

“Yes, dumbass, he remembers, he always remembered,” Ashton sighs. “He thought you didn’t and he was always too scared to bring it up. He thought you regretted it or something so you just selectively made yourself forget it or whatever.”

“It was the best night of my life,” Luke shakes his head. “Why would I ever… that night I thought Michael liked me back, I was sixteen and stupid and confused and after ages of liking Michael I thought that meant he liked me back, but then he forgot, or I thought he was pretending to forget because he was embarrassed and he didn’t want to hurt my feelings, so I pretended I forgot.”

“You guys are honestly the stupidest pair I have ever met. I can’t believe you two,” Calum says, looking almost as frustrated as Luke is feeling.

“I can’t believe he remembered all this time,” Luke says, covering his face with his hands.

“I-“ Ashton starts, but gets cut off by the band’s frontman.

“So we’re going to slow it down a bit because it’s time for the groom and groom’s first dance,” he says into his microphone and everyone cheers. “This song was specifically requested by Michael, so this one’s for you, Jackson!” he says and the band starts playing a song that Luke would probably recognize in his sleep.

“Is that-“ Calum begins, but Luke cuts him off.

“Vapor,” Luke chuckles humorlessly, he feels like the universe is out to get him. “They’re playing Vapor.” He says and gets up, his legs feel so weak he doesn’t know how his knees don’t give up under the pressure as he rushes towards the exit, Ashton and Calum calling after him pointlessly.

When he finally reaches the doors he can _feel_ Michael’s eyes boring into him, but he doesn’t stop as he pushes them open and steps out into the cold night breeze.

***

“So that’s where you’ve been hiding,” Michael’s voice doesn’t even surprise Luke. “I should’ve known right away.” He chuckles and flops down on the hay next to Luke. He’s been sitting there for forty minutes, just looking at the horses and thinking.

“Well, I’ve always liked horses,” Luke shrugs. When Luke left the party hall he remembered Michael mentioning something about the venue’s garden and how they hold horses back there, for birthday parties or maybe extremely exaggerated weddings or whatever.

“Yeah,” Michael says. “You always did. I remember every summer at my aunt’s vacation house, you’d make me wake up super early just so we could go for a ride on the beach at sunrise. You were the only one who’d ever managed to convince me to wake up before the sun even rose.” He chuckles, and Luke hates how even now, when he’s feeling this way, Michael can so easily make him smile.

“Yeah, it was great,” Luke fiddles with his fingers nervously, his smile slowly dropping. Michael sighs and they fall into silence. It isn’t an awkward silence, it just feels heavy, like there’s something between them that they’re

“So, uh,” Michael says quietly after a few moments of silence. “Do you remember everything that happened on your sixteenth birthday?”

Luke can’t say he didn’t see it coming, but the question still makes him shiver. “I do,” he answers so quietly it’s almost a whisper. “But I thought you didn’t, or at least that you didn’t want to remember so I pretended the alcohol erased it all.” He shrugs as if it’s nothing.

“I thought the exact same thing,” Michael says, and suddenly this feels even heavier. It feels like a fateful moment, like there’s so much at stake. “And-“ Michael gets cut off before he could finish his sentence and Luke realizes that that’s been happening far too often with the two of them to be a coincidence. Now he’s certain the universe is plotting against them.

“There you are,” It’s Jackson, of course. Who else could barge into such an important moment? “I hope I’m not interrupting,” he says quietly. “It’s just, Mike, your mom really wants us to cut the cake for some reason so she sent me looking for you.” he chuckles awkwardly. Michael smiles up at him.

“I…” Michael’s voice trails off as he looks between Jackson, his husband, and Luke. Luke simply smiles.

“We’re coming,” he says, jerking his chin in the venue’s direction. “We wouldn’t want to keep the new husband and guests waiting.” He gets up and rids himself of all the hay that stuck to his pants and the three of them walk back into the venue in silence.

***

“Are you sure you don’t want anything, baby?” Luke’s mother asks for what must be the billionth time since they arrived back from the wedding.

Luke smiles tiredly. “I promise, mom, I’m fine. Just worn out from the flight and the wedding.” He shrugs and lets his head drop back against the couch cushion.

“Okay, but if you change your mind give me a call,” Luke’s mother leans down and presses a kiss to his forehead. “I’ll be in the backyard with your dad.” She gives him a quick wave and disappears outside. It feels nice to have his mom fuss around him like that in his childhood home, where he grew up and had all these amazing memories. It feels relieving to be here.

Luke sighs deeply and turns the TV on. He can’t stop thinking about everything that has happened tonight. He can’t believe Michael, _his_ Michael, actually got married.

Luke’s phone buzzes by his hip and cuts off his string of desperate, depressing thoughts.

 **From:** Mikey [11:39PM]

How are you doing, Lukey?

 **To:** Mikey [11:40PM]

Alright, just tired. Aren’t you supposed to be on a plane to Thailand?

 **From:** Mikey [11:40PM]

At the airport, flight got delayed and Jackson fell asleep so I thought I’d check up on you

 **To:** Mikey [11:41PM]

I’m cool, why were you even worried about me in the first place?

 **From:** Mikey [11:45PM]

It’s just been a crazy day and you seemed a bit off after your speech

 **To:** Mikey [11:46PM]

I’m okay, promise. Have fun at your honeymoon, Mikey. Text me when you land so I know you got there okay

 **From:** Mikey [11:49PM]

I love you, Lukey

 **To:** Mikey [11:51PM]

I love you too, goodnight, Mikey

 

Luke doesn’t really sleep that night, not even when Michael texts him that they landed safely at the Bangkok airport. His head is filled with thoughts and he feels like they’re spinning all around his mind and there’s nothing he can do to make them stop, not even for a bit so he could sleep.

He finally falls asleep when he texts Michael telling him that he hasn’t been able to close his eyes for a second all night long, and Michael replies with a voice recording of The Fray’s _Look After You_ that Michael would always sing Luke when they’d have sleepovers and Luke couldn’t fall asleep because he was scared or nervous about something, or just wasn’t tired.

Luke finally falls asleep with a smile on his face, listening to Michael’s soft voice in the recording for the hundredth time.

***

_Three month later (Los Angeles)_

Luke’s having a quiet night by himself, not doing much but watching TV and ordering in some food. Since Calum’s moved out, the apartment feels so quiet and boring and big. He keeps trying to get them to come over and keep him company, but they’re on a date night. They promise Luke they’d stop by his apartment before they go back home when they’re back and Luke sulks all by himself like a child.

He decides to spend all this quiet time to maybe work on some new music, but right when he finally sits down and tries to, there’s a knock on the door and Luke’s up on his feet so fast he nearly topples over.

“I’m coming!” It’s either his food or Cal and Ash so either way Luke’s excitedly rushing to the door, quickly unlocking it and pulling it open.

“Oh?” Luke nearly swallows his tongue.

“Hey, Lukey,” Michael says softly and quietly, pulling on a nervous smile Luke would recognize from miles away. “We need to talk.”

**Author's Note:**

> I really hope you liked it! Any form of feedback is always much appreciated, here and/or on [tumblr](http://celmmings.tumblr.com)!! (come be my friend!)


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